alert!

spent the whole afternoon just trying to get the stupid MPLAB to stop generating errors. like seriously lor. i have yet to even start programming and its giving me errors upon build. after google-ing it, realised there was an error in the default template -.- and there goes my entire saturday afternoon. so not fun.

cute guy alert for these 2 days.
was out having sushi with kaster and weiling yest and there was this guy alone sitting opposite KASTER. and the only reason why (kaster please read this) is coz the waitress made him sit there. otherwise he would have been sitting opposite me or beside me liao. so kaster u dont try and play punk and steal my cute guy. he's MINE! haha.
swimming trip today ended up as a floating trip, coz there were swimming classes going on left right front. and wherever you were, you were in danger of getting hit by ssome random kid who can't keep his arms and legs and pajamas and goggles to himself. so me and my cousin parked at the side of the pool to watch the controlled chaos happening around us. but ya. main point is got HUNK keep swimming PAST US!!! then he was swimming with his head out of the water. which was so good coz we had all the opportunity to look at him ahem, the scenery. hahaha.

i'm supposed to be getting over you. but fact is i'm not. so not.
suddenly realised that i'm not in control of myself anymore. not my feelings, not my thoughts, not my actions. i even let you kiss me. and to think that i used to be able to do that. to shut away all the pain and assert complete control of myself and my feelings and my plans and everything else.
now, i'm just lost. i don't know what to do, and i dont know where to turn to. would this have happened if i haven't met you? or will it have happened anyway? you made everything crash land on me, when things seem to be fine. when i believed that there was something there.
i'm angry. you know that, just by judging the amount of tantrums i have been throwing, the number of outbursts i have flared. and i know its a difficult time for you too, what with the politics and stuff going on among your colleagues, and me giving you a hard time whichever way you turn. but i have every right to be angry, just because you made me choose. and it was a ridiculous choice in the very first place.
maybe its better for both of us. that's what i keep telling myself. no more compromises, no more restrictions. that sounds good. right? but then again, if it's supposed to be, then why do i feel this ache within me all the time?

how do you get over someone when the fact is you never wished to leave him in the very first place? enlighten me, someone, please.