dead drunk last night.

was feeling really emo. then chunsiong and yizhe came over to return my long lost trolley. so yeah. they brought 440ml cans of beer and i got special treatment

this is what chunsiong and yizhe drank. 4.something% of alcohol


THIS is what they got for me. 8.8% of alcohol


and i don't really react well to beer. okay. alcohol in general actually. then my dear 2 guys wanted me to finish and they waited for me to finish. so yeah i did. stupidest move in my life.

obviously i got drunk. did i mention i didn't eat dinner coz i was feeling lousy too? and craps. puked like no one's business. went home and went to sleep just moments before my mom came back. and the only reason why my mom knew i was drinking was coz somebody found my wallet which i dropped somewhere along the way to my place and she came in to wake me up to scold me. and obviously i couldn't be bothered.



i really don't feel good.
supposed to go Microsoft later for a event meeting. and i think there's gonna be post discussion beer. or something to that extent. okay. it's cancelled.but anyway, funny how the guys' answer to problems always seem to be alcohol.

how do you want me to choose? i can't. really.
it's a choice of whether i should just let go-of everything, of all the memories for the past year. or continue pretending that i can't see. it's a choice of the lesser of two evils actually, which sounds relatively simple to choose between. the only problem is, i don't know which one is worse. and i don't know whether i should listen to my head - which i really should-, or my heart - which i really want to-.
you asked me whether i prefer to hear lies. well, maybe i do. coz the truth hurts so so much more. i know it isn't fair to me, i know i shouldn't even continue on in the very first place, i know that at the end of the day, i might be the one losing out. i know i'm trying to mask the pain. i know. i know.
and somehow, i just can't stop thinking of continuing on.
i was so looking forward to everything. things seemed to be going fine, we were having fun and looking forward to my birthday and stuff, and i was enjoying myself despite the nagging voice at the back of my head.

i really don't want it to end like this. i don't want all this to disappear.

you know, making this decision, it's not supposed to be this hard.
and fact: i still don't know what to do.
why do you always have to take my breath away?