over and done with

its disappointing really.

and i'm feeling emotionally torn. on one hand, i wished you had fight for it.
on the other, i don't want you too coz i know i would just fall back.

life sucks.

anyway, it's over.

i dont know whether to say finally or not.

playing 3 songs back to back..

you're not sorry by taylor swift
please dont leave me by pink
and blind by lifehouse.

that's probably how messed up i am. rah

okay time to stare at ODEs :(

moody.

:(

guess this is what i get from bouncing around too much while hanging out with the rest of the guys.

mood swings are coming back.

my back hurts (still)

did an xray. basically i'm screwed.

going for physio, and i basically have no spare cash for it.




zzzz life sucks.

okay fine there are people willing to pay for me. but that's not the point!
never like oweing anybody anyway. besides daddy that is. lol

no purpose leh... zzzz

complain complain complain

suhui is currently in class listening to some structure thingy.

which obviously she doesnt understand.

midterms are in 2 weeks

which basically means that suhui is screwed coz she doesnt understand 4 out of ther 5 modules.

damn

puked the other day from eating bad oysters.

starting to think that life sucks.

on the bright side, got approached for something again. so entertain me and let me reiterate – suhui is popular. though this time is not about love and relationships and whatever. pretty much have enough of that.

kinda sucks when someone likes you and he’s a really good friend of yours. coz the moment he comes clean, things change – you got to watch all your actions, try not to send any more wrong signals. and that means i cant be who i am. hate losing friends this way. and i’ve lost too many already.

dinner with the family last night. starting to hate such events. my frequency is so off from the rest of them. even those my age or at least around there. dont know whether its my fault. as jo said, CNY + christmas thingys are “dont bring brain out” days. so true.

entertained myself checking out my little nephews. taught yisheng a new word – poof. which my brother has been using. before that was jibaboom. if his mother knew i was the one who taught him that…. whoops. lol

oh well. time to go back to lecture. which i dont understand. bleagh

school ah!

suhui is bored and blogging and facebooking instead of staring at her notes. talk about major procrastination. lol. right wilson? fish fish fish!!!

school has started (unfortunately) and tutorials and labs start like next week.
sucks coz i havent had enough of "dont bring brain to school" first 2 weeks.
siigh. another 2 more months of insane running around in NUS. bleagh. never thought i would miss the 28-30 hr week of poly so much.

in any case, i kinda need to buck up this sem, considering that I will be helping out in boulderactive in a couple weeks time. even though jo thinks i'm crazy. but who cares. wahahhaha
spent the last week cooking mostly in dorm.
stuffed mushrooms, salmon, mushrooms, brocolli, eggs, sausages, bread pudding and more cholestrol raising stuff.

suhui is getting fat.

anyway, my room is still half in a mess, and i'm tempted to start on even more projects for the heck of it.
in my head now:

1. a side project involving red facepaint and the words boulderactive
2. a box with a metal wire cover
3. gold fishes on my windows
4. floating books bookshelf
5. pseudo aquarium (thsi is supposed to be a prezzie)
6. and since we are at it, let's do a terrarium too!

I think i'm going crazy. Must be the CNY thing.

parents kinda mad at each other again. zzz whats new

blah. shall update when in the mood.

and when i got something less boring to update about besides projects school and food. which is probably never. blah

boreddd

out of sheer boredom,

suhui googled her name.

lots of hits - after all su hui is a common name.

and of course, there were hits of the twins, in which one of them share the same name as i do, except with a hyphen between su and hui. they seem to be pretty prominent in the CO circle. good for them anyway.

back to the actual topic- got correct hits off IDA, MSP and of course, facebook. none from NYP ( at least up to the page where i stopped and opened blogger instead). hmm.

anyway that was a totally random act with no aim or consequence. lols.



currently too lazy to do up the US pictures properly. especially after the mini disagreement with my parents.
hello! its 2000 freaking pictures! of course my filtering was insane! i mean who the hell wants to sit down and spend 30 mins to look at a photo slideshow! like seriously la, i did a ppt slide for the annual family gathering within 2 days, and i had 151 slides already. and some of the slides had more than one photo. fine, i understand that pple might not see the full picture coz there's only a couple photos of each place. but i mean there has to be a certain limit right?? if i really wanted to put everything i'd probably have 500 over pictures and 500 x 3 sec/pic would equate to 1500 sec and that would be 25 mins ALREADY.

gaah nvm.

spent NYE in MSFT playing poker. haha. and of course the view from there was really nice :)

updating and whining

suhui should update. which she is doing now. roar.

its the end of the year. and kinda time for reminiscing.


2008 has been eventful to say the least.

one sentence highlights of 2008

i graduated from the poly

i got into a lot of trouble with the registrar right before graudation.

i got a job at the esplanade

i left my job at the esplanade

i left my 4 yr job at SCH

i was offered 3 scholarships

i picked one of them

my ass now belongs to a company

i entered NUS EE

i joined climbing

MSP had a major overhaul

i got a bronze medal at worldskills singapore

i wrote my first essay in 4 years

its my 2nd anniversary

i went to angkor wat

...


i'll update the list if there's anything else i can rmb.


in any case, its really been a crazy year. so many things happened, and so many things changed. new friends, new management, new environment, new experiences. not all good. or not up to my expectations

i guess that's the key issue.

kinda wish i was back in sec school. life was a whole lot more simpler then. go to school. put up with teacher's crap for an hour or so before the next teacher comes in and gives you more crap. end school. talk crap with your friends. go home. put up with parent's crap. repeat.

as you get older, politics come in. the people around you get more, how should i put it? protective of their own territory? annoy them and things happen. you realise that whatever you do has its own repercussions, whether or not you intended it that way. in other words, karma.

and then you start to see other people's net worth. of course this happens vice versa. you hang out with people that are useful to you. simlarly, people hang out with you because you are useful to them. and useful covers a lot of ground - studies, money, popularity, ego, skills, inferiority complex, affairs of the heart etc.

add that with the finance issue, and the boyfriend crap.

finally top it off with your own crap - largely involving any combination and permutation of the seven deadly sins and your own personal devil and angel on either side of your shoulder.

voila.

this is the life of a young adult. so much for the freedom you envisioned when you were a kid.

everything comes with a price. and the price for the freedom to make your own decisions is reponsibility. and that sucks.


dunno why i'm so cynical now. might be the end of the year thing. or the blardy xmas/cny songs.

gahhhh

procrastinating. as usual.

Su hui's flight to SF is confirmed! yay :)

... why am I thinking of holidays now? zzz my mug mode button is Spoiled. sigh

will be parting with ds today. eugene will be taking care of it.. haha

yawns I'm blogging in physics Class again. I really need my mojo back. :(

I'm here blogging in class.

Yes I know i'm supposed to be a good girl & listen. but seriously, i've been anything but.
life has been majorly crappy. homework is like Piling up. exams are LITERALLY around the corner. the msp program is resetting. and of course there's the men issue. Including the inapproppriate men issue. talk about screwed.

I don't know what I'm doing recently. Just seem to be flitting around, with no direction or aim. it's really disturbing, coz I'm supposed To have an aim, and even if I don't, My energy usually makes up for it. without both...

Worldskills ended well. that's what I tell myself anyway. Could have done better though . And that feeling is sucky. i tested My limits though. and found it. It didn't kill me. so I guess it made me stronger. Not that it really matters anymore.

on the not really that much brighter side, I'm 20 now. Spent my birthday at home Making apple & Strawberry crumble pie. Kinda random but it was really good. lol how exciting right.. hurhurhur

Will blog
more later if I have time. and not playing facebook. I really really need to Start studying :(

skeletons in the closet

everyone has them.

i managed to increase the number of skeletons in my closet recently. and interestingly, i'm not bothered by it.

okay. maybe i am. a little.

its's been a really crappy week. and i think i have waay too many issues. and for those who have still got no idea what i'm talking about, dont worry, coz i've got no idea too. i'm just dumping whatever is popping out of my head. which probably explains the lack of structure and total randomness. oh well.

it's interesting how the mind works. how you can accept and be part of something that you were so much against. and damn. did i feel high after it was all over. well at least for the space of 30 mins. and THEN i started feeling restless. so much for a complete break away from reality. coz reality hits HARD after that.

.

being very cynical now. and so tempted to hit the self-destruct button. it seems like i'm losing control, which is SO not me. i feel lost, which isn't such a surprise coz i never know what i want anyway, but's bothering me a little too much nowadays.

i have a problem. but i have got NO idea what it is.

damn.

they say you should never regret. i totally agree with that. so screw it. high-ness rocks. and i think i'm becoming schizophrenic. gaaah

stole this off facebook

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. The person is real, and the feelings are real - but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."-chuck klosterman

uni

i'm staring at my work and hoping it would somehow magically finish itself. zzz.

dont know why but there's like this weird kerosene-y smell in my room. like its not bad enough with the musty smell which i managed to elminate with some jasmine air freshener. my room is so screwed la.

which brings me to the point that i'm kinda screwed too. whatever i touch in my room generates an electrostatic shock. and its damn painful when you sit down and end up shocking yourself =.=

uni life is kinda extreme. and very flexible. i mean, its like redefining freedom. those who think that poly is free enough already, wait till you come to uni. in academics you choose your own modules, and your workload. your social life gets really extreme too, depending on alot of factors like whether you stay in hall, have CCAs and actually talk to people in class. i would think its actually possible to go through one semester without talking unnecessarily - i mean most of the labs are individual and since you can have really really off timetables from the rest of your peers, its possible to go into every class and see a bunch of different pple. which is good for those loners i suppose. the workload here is kinda crazy too, labs come with analysis questions and lab reports, tutors can walk off right after class starts if you have no questions to ask in class so you kind of got to finish every damn question just in case you need him to go through something. exams carry an insanely high weightage, generally 60% (though i have one that is 80%  !??!!?!) and the pace makes the poly pace look like a joke. here, its all about how you balance everything and everything is your own business.  like whether your term tests clash with each other and your own schedule like how you manage your time such that you can finish 2 lab reports and study for 2 term tests and also finishing your tutorials within the space of a week.

if you're not careful. confirm plus chop burnout.

and of course, there's the undiscussed portion of uni life, largely involving clubs, boy + girls, smoking (even though its a non-smoking campus) and top 10 places to make out (which was actually published somewhere. like SERIOUSLY).

i'm kinda settling in. taking the internal shuttle everyday to get to my fac which is situated on a goddamn hill so i got to climb that stupid hill everyday. mugging, trying to smoke something out in the lab reports, having dinner with yizhe every now and then, annoying the TAs, slacking in my room on my bed in my old t-shirt, rock climbing every tuesday and generally trying to adapt to the world-class pace. which is fk-ed up. oh well.

its the week before term break already!

i am so screwed.

sigh.

physics doesnt freaking make sense.

die.

oh and yizhe is making me fat. >.<

Time flies. suddenly its like our 24th month. why am i still questioning our r/s though? nevertheless, its been a whole lot of unforgettable times, even though we dont really spent that much time together. :)  iheartu

exercise!

suhui is feeling a sense of achievement.


DESPITE her short legs, arms AND body

she managed to touch the top rock of the rock climbing wall..

*applause please* :D

okay.. i know i'm supposed to somehow grab it and hang on to it. but my short-ness got in my way. not that i didn't try. and i really should have jumped, but well, when u're two storeys high in the air and kind of height phobic that will never ever be on your mind.

so end up i fell wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

lol.

my level 1 course is on saturday :D looking forward.

next tues is chalk day again yay.


if i ever take some pictures i'll let u see my nice butt :D


lol and i'm in aerobics too. so wrong la. and so not me. haha

procrastinating

i am procrastinating to the max.

i've got a pile of things to clear and i haven done.

i got one qn more for my physics assignment and i am in no mood to do it.

i got a stack of readings to do but i kind of want my bed more.

and dont mention TUTORIALS to me.

and of course. there's always WSS at the back of my mind. sighhhh.



u know whats the worst part?
i'm not used to my bed.
and because i'm trying to get used to this bed, i'm not used to my home bed.
woke up cursing and swearing on sunday morning. damnit.
i need a full body massage. sigh


had "steamboat" with xiuling and a couple other random cluster mates just now.
i made salmon. yum. haha

anyway the girl staying next to me is a doctor. like wow..

the few things i'm extremely annoyed with

 

1. myself for screwing up my timetable
2. nyp for not crediting my pay
3. my eyes for wanting to droop
4. labs for not being at decent timings. zzz
5. special awards committee for not publishing their name/contact/whatever on the RSVP ><
6. the radio for playing that annoying song
7. ida for not crediting my allowance. zzz
8. my BOTH bank accnts being broke.

i'm not in the best of all moods.

on the bright side though, i've got 2 brownies for breakfast :D

 

 

23 months? ... :)

5 things i have learnt so far

1. check your email everyday. you never know what's going to be in it.
2. the e-learning portal is better than nyp's one. and you need to be super reliant on it because EVERYTHING from lecture notes to contacts to assignments to forums are all on it. so not used to that
3. brush up on reading skills. i've got about 50+ pages of readings so far. and it's barely day 3
4. there are a million exchange students in my residence. out of which the guys tend to be pretty hot and like to walk around topless. time to camp downstairs :)
5. strawberry mango juice from fass canteen is just about the nicest thing on earth. hmm.. at least, until i try strawberry soursop later when i pass by the canteen that is. wait for updates!

Day 3 and counting. havent made any friends in my LT yet. just so out of place coz everyone else seems to know each other and tend to cluster together and i generally like to sit in front which kinda makes it worst coz everyone else sits at the back. oh well

the lecturers so far are pretty good i must say - have attended 4 out of 5 modules so far. the next new one is tmr - kinda looking forward

procrastinating.

okay. after a million years of getting both my very slow notebook and my equally slow desktop to work, i finally processed the cambodia pictures.

they are now in a very nice 1.83Gb big .wmv file and is a slideshow of 28 mins.
so if you have 30 mins of spare time and wanna see some pictures of rocks and food. let me know. lol.


things been pretty mild lately.
i'm aimlessly going to work everyday. and for some reason i CANNOT seem to wake up and i end up cabbing almost everyday. im trying to make some stupid lcd work. but evidently i'm supposed to use SPI so that i can program another microcontroller with a microprocessor such that the microcontroller can control the lcd. which, apparently is not very easy to do. oh well. i think i shall shelve that and do PWM instead. zzzs

school's starting soon, which basically means i have a million things to take care of that i have yet to. like getting finance to send IDA the invoice, and checking in into PGP and applying for my ez link card. i finally did clearance in all my jobs though, so pending my last day at NYP, i will be officially unemployed. which sucks. and it doesn't help that the lazy streak in me is forever around nowadays.

highlight of the week was yest - where we went to NYNY to eat to celebrate pam's birthday. oh btw the seafood platter was really. really. really good. seriously. the calamaris are fantastic, prawns are very fresh. fish was not soggy and the cold crab was seriously good. and i forgot to mention. there was smoked salmon in it! but even though they said it was for two, i think 3 can share it comfortably. or maybe two guys with really big appetites. oh and if you get a cake there, the staff can even go to your table to sing happy birthday! which is definitely a plus if you need to embarass somebody. lol. it was really fun. then we spent the rest of the night reminiscing about our old class. :D

calvyn told me something really interesting and funny. if you've really really dark skin. like almost black kinda dark. and you have dry hair. and you wear a black cap + black shirt + black pants +black shoes, some door sensors dont work! apparently its tried and tested by one of his really really dark friends. and he was literally dancing in front of the door and it didn't open. and then all he did was - flip palm up- and the door opened! lol. its so wrong la. the door sensor is color-ist.

kinda at this point in time in life where i'm not sure what is important anymore. i mean, i KNOW what is important. like studies and whatever. but im kinda questioning it.
dont know why. haiz.

whining

its 1 am.

i'm hungry.

i'm sleepy.

i'm looking at two computer screens at once coz i got to sort out all my photos.

and i got work tomorrow.

and 500 pictures from my weekend trip to angkor, cambodia to sort through.

and i dunno why i'm wasting time blogging.

how smart of me.


anyway, silverlight rocks :)

the problem with paradoxes

 

i'm back into the whole paradox theory.. stuff that is so simple and yet so complicated, explains everything and yet nothing.. like einstein's theory of relativity where a moving clock is slower that a stationary one when observed from a stationary point.

it's simply put, perception and yet its so against our conventional way of thinking..

argh. i'm killing braincells again. and its so stitch's fault.

 

sigh.

 

school's boring as usual. though i'm getting paid to be bored so that kind of is the silver lining in the thing.

so tired. i'm annoyed with my program again. going to camp in front of the computer tomorrow to solve the damn problem where i clear PORTA and its doesn't freaking clear. argh.

oh and did i tell you that i'm stuck with a PC that has NO internet and a roller ball mouse????

so tempted to smash it.. argh

 

tomorrow is supposed to be medical checkup day for NUS(like the 3rd checkup i'm having this year. i feel like i have some chronic disease or something) but due to some unforeseen circumstances of a certain time of the month i cant go. zzz. going to call them tomorrow.

 

it's surprising how things have a habit of turning out the way you didn't expect them to. its either that or i never learn from experience about guy friends.

 

he said he doesn't understand me. and its probably easier not to try to. he said that i stand out from the crowd - with the "what can you do to me" attitude i have. he said he doesn't know why he just appears whenever i call. and he said he doesn't know why he doesn't have to be someone else when he's with me.

what does that say?

too much and too little.

i think i need to keep my distance. but i always make the same mistake of not doing that.

a few important things to update/try

 

1. figure out my new HP ipaq :) thanks to daddy
   
2. eat the jade snow whatever marketing gimmick name mc flurry thing.. i tried it once.. nice - if you like matcha powder (you know the green tea powder some of the jap restaurants use? not the lame tea bag)
   
3. harrass Rex for masala tea from nepal :) cousins are so useful lol
   
4. study :(