zzZZzzZzZzzzZ

okay... i know i'm not supposed to blog during school hours.

BUT. i am so sleepy. and its nearing end of the day.

so here i am.


anyway, just to update on a couple of things.

MOS was kinda boring. though baofa and chunsiong both won good stuff. and there was free alcohol. and yizhe was kinda funny in that suit. and i managed to see my fav stitch at chinaone :)
must have been kind of early when the event ended and thus the dance floor was empty. got bored after a while so we left for coffee at starbucks


and you know that there is something really wrong with society when you get harassed by 4 five/six year old boys at work and their conclusion after annoying you for 15 mins over everything from rules that say audience is not allowed in the hall after the event , religion and my job, is that you're not a christian coz your name is Tan Su Hui (as they read from my name tag) and therefore you're bad.
i am so rendered speechless.

though i dont mind being known as the ruler of all evil. haha


and yesterday at the usher training session, i was analysing the dinosaur age rule book

some of the rules on the first page of the first section
1. Ushers should not gamble or smoke while on duty
2. No gathering is allowed
3. Ushers should not make unnecessary phone calls while on duty
4. Ushers should not eat on duty
5. Ushers should remain alert at all times

and blah blah.

i broke like 80% of them. i should so be sacked. hahaha


and i finished playing the whole of chocobos! yay.




okay. i ran out of things to say. lol. i am so cranky now.


i am determined
and i have got no idea what i'm trying to prove.
and yet i dont want it to end at all.
u have no idea how much i wanna put down everything for u when u say stuff like that
but i dont want to fall anymore

and really. all i'm doing at this point of time, is agreeing with what you told me previously.

MSP christmas

Christmas Party is over!

suhui is relieved :)

could have done better on being an emcee though, but well, i'm not really that joker a person to emcee well :(

pictures!

this is me doing last min preparation

me picking up my christmas gift. ( all the presents were sponsored by a variety of pple, from stanley to chewy to daniel to joe wilson to "steve" and "bill" and even DARSIM!)

yizhe looking for my present. which is so big they can't find it

My "big" christmas present, sponsered by nick

luppy says to email him to say thanks

my dinner table

group photo!

and my most fav photo of the night!
joe wilson, senior director, and our MSP cup!
thanks luppy for taking this for me

it's been fun.

another round on Weds at MOS :)

pple

this is the reason why i'm getting fat.

seriously dunno what's wrong with them lor.

one, refuses to give up. i mean, it's been more than a year. you should have gotten the point by now that things are DIFFERENT now. and just because i respond to your msges regarding school and stuff doesn't mean that we're still friends. and it definitely doesn't mean that i'm going to change my mind about telling you what went wrong the last time. at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether i tell u why i have been ignoring you for so long. you have your life and your gf. i have mine. whether you know or not, doesn't change a thing. so seriously, stop bothering me and spend the time u use to think about this over and gone issue on your gf and your studies. sheesh.

the other, hai. i dont even know where to start. we have been through so much, parted so many times. and now, even though we're back together, i'm waaay beyond caring so much about what you do. which is kinda sad. but really. i dont know what i'm doing, and how i feel when it comes to trying to make us work anymore. and everything you say, doesn't make me feel any better. it's like, they are gorgeous and pretty and whatever. and me? i'm just me. i guess at the end of the day, i'm always the inferior one.

things have been so crappy. hai

sucks

its always at a wrong timing.

though i must say i was mentally prepared since that night. though it doesn't help that there's so many things i need to settle at the same time.

keep getting flashbacks of what happened. even in my sleep. which is really disturbing. it's my fault, u know it, and i know it. what u say, that u dont blame me and stuff like that, doesn't really matter.

and the main reason why i'm letting go, is not because of the lifestyle issue, but because i know it will never be the same again
i don't wanna say anything else regarding u anymore.

this time it's different.
it hurts me to say this and i'm not even sure whether u will be reading this and probably at the back of my head i'm thinking the exact opposite of what i'm going to say but i hope u wont talk to me for the time being.
coz when this kinda thing happens whatever u say usually gets me a) even more upset or b)all flared up. and i can't do this when u talk to me. actually it's more like i stop functioning totally, like what happened during the meeting at MS.

time is moving exceptionally slow today. doesn't help that i forgot to bring my ds out so i spent the whole journey listening to music, trying to persuade my head to stop throbbing coz i really didn't have a good sleep, and feeling crappy whenever it gets to the lovey-dovey songs, which i skip once the first verse ends. think time is having fun kicking my ass today. haiz. just want this to be over asap.

"Time flies.
Time waits for no man.
Time heals all wounds.
All any of us wants is more time.
Time to stand up.
Time to grow up.
Time to let go.
Time."

update

the maggots were still alive even after one night.

spent the whole morning clearing it with my aunt.

now the maggots are probably still alive, but somewhere in the sewers i guessed.
we flushed them down the toilet bowl.

bleagh

today is not a good day.

the only good thing about today



my salmon+ham+mushrooms+cheese+raisin+olives+lettuce sandwich

---

i'm amazed by maggots, really

and totally turned off by them too.


to get everyone up to speed,

i basically have 2 fish tanks outside, out of which only the top one has water and fish inside.
the bottom one was drained by my dad.

and my smart dad forgot that there was this huge suckerfish inside.

and obviously, the suckerfish drowned in air.


oh and by the way my parents left singapore on saturday to china.

noticed the faint smell for a couple of days, but didn't think much of it. kinda thought one of dad's guppies jumped out and died though i looked around and didn't see anything.
until my neighbour told me there was a dead fish in the tank.

which so happened to be teeming with tiny little white squirmy maggots. which immediately got me really squirmish.
:S

had no choice but to use a plastic bag to get it out of the tank and dumped it into the rubbish chute without even taking a second look at it.

so problem #1 solved. now for problem #2.
maggots in the tank.
and i didn't really know what to do with it.

smsed dad who told me to spray insecticide and dump dettol in. and leave it there till he comes back to clear it.

asked my aunt to come up in the evening to help me with it because i have got no idea where the dettol is in the house.

and basically i found out something. insecticide does NOT work on maggots. they just seem to squirm faster around while probably laughing at me choking on the fumes. dettol doesn't really work too. we poured like half a bottle. and the maggots were STILL squirming.
so fine. we poured in water to try and drown the maggots. which kind of made it worse because the BIG ones floated up and crawled on the wood thingy that pple put in fish tanks. which is totally disgusting by the way. so we poured more water in. and chatted for like an hour or so.

AND last we checked, the maggots were still squirming about. esp the big ones.

totally killed my appetite.

waiting till tmr for them to drown. hopefully they do :X

argh i'm so traumatised by maggots

---

don't understand why they are so afraid.
maybe it's coz i'm not afraid of speaking my mind.
but i guess i can safely say that when i say something, i never intentionally want to hurt anybody.
i'm just trying to get things right,
after all, i pay the fees. why should i accept substandard material?
ya i guess it's always a matter of grey area, and maybe it will affect someone's rice bowl too.
but someone's rice bowl WILL always be on the line anyway.
it's how the corporate world works. competition = efficiency and productivity.
i guess alot dont understand that.
and maybe i don't understand too.
else why will i be bothered that they close to me are warned by others that they shouldn't be close to me?
and it annoys me that i'm bothered by something i shouldn't be bothered with. >.<

food

i declare that i am very irritated.

this is my off-week. mdm tan gave me a whole week off to get some air. and i was supposed to not do any electronics related things so i will go back refreshed. or something to that effect.

so i got kinda bored lying on my bed and playing my ds the whole day. so i decided to bake.

muffins to be exact.

tried it once yest.

left out baking soda thinking that 2 g of baking soda wouldn't make much of a difference since there's baking powder already.

muffin turned out so dense. would make a good rock to throw without hurting someone TOO badly.

tried it again today. went out SPECIALLY just to get the baking soda.


and here's the results



it turned out okay. pretty normal muffins.


which makes me so irritated coz it was supposed to be mango-y and there was barely a hint of mango even after like adding a blend of 1.5 small mangoes AND mango flavoring.
and something feels missing. even though i followed the recipe exactly somewhat. ( it was supposed to be banana muffins but the bananas at ntuc look waaay too green so ya mango it is). probably i should try using the huge australian mangos instead of the small little malaysian ones. and maybe add a bit of coconut extract.
hmmm.

okay i should stop thinking about this.
2 days of non-stop muffins are kind of over the top already. 3 will get a little crazy.
and not to mention fattening since there's no one to eat my muffins.


went grocery shopping coz my parents left me at home with barely anything that is really food. (and by food i do not mean processed crap like sunshine frozen pizza) realised that grocery shopping is very expensive. spent about 50 bucks in total these 2 days. and i didn't get much. if i ate bread and bread only everyday. i could probably last only for another 2 days.
kinda crazy over sandwiches recently. made a really good ham+cheese+olives+lettuce sandwich today. thinking of making a ham+salmon+mushroom sandwich tmr morning for breakfast. yum.

sick

sick again. :(

went to work on saturday - university of newcastle graduation. and there was reception, which the ushers took.

AND we all got diarhoea. so not fun.
mine turned into fever too so now i'm 1/2 hot 1/2 cold, have a pounding headache, and have crappy crap. zzz. not the best combination

took the day off so now i'm at home. and trying to die.
shall resume my attempt to decompose now. adios

Mr Chan : " Experience can lead to stereotyping"

lots of funny and lame rubbish at dialogue session today.
weird part was Mr Chan treated me like a staff. which is so so so wrong.
attempted to write minutes just now - got past writing the introduction ( which i added quite a bit of long winded crap in) and writing the summarised main points and rearranged the main points so that academia is all togehter, and facilities are all together and etc. then i got bored so now i'm blogging. hahhaha

went home today to find my brother and my dad sleeping at liek 10pm. that's really early for both of them. asked my mom about it and she told me it was because my dad was really mad at my brother coz of his results and i suppose he got scolded really badly. brother really doesn't have the mood to study. he's too distracted and his attention span is crap. anyways he only got a band 2 for english, and the rest were all band 3s. guess being 38/40 students in class made it even worse :S

yay i got to the final chapter of that operation game on my DS! it's really nerve wrecking coz u gotta make sure the damn thing doesn't spread and keep your patient freaking alive while all sorts of rubbish starts appearing on the patient. hope i finish it soon. so annoyed with it ><

taking one week off after weiling and debbie and the rest go off for attachment. need a rest and more sleep.

and speaking of sleep. i should go zzz like now. hahaha byez!

work and wishlist

fulfilled one of my wish list.

will show u guys my nice red nds lite someday.
though i'm like super broke now


kinda cranky now. made it through work + school on 3 hrs of sleep. back sore and cant really breathe properly. still coughing too.
damn my body.

today was syf briefing cum balloting
aka damn that school who got that slot i wanted day.
heated emotions and cranky pple all over the place, esp those who really really really wanted the march slots but were like oen fo the last to be called.
and shhhh let me tell u all a secret. we ushers were conspiring to rob SCH today. wahahahah.

haiz long week ahead.
dialogue session on weds.
so not looking forward. damn tired of all these man.

good day

today's a good day :)

was pleasantly surprised with a call from guy. really didn't expect it. haha. anyway we wanted to have coffee but everywhere was crowded so we went over to the fish farm and bought a box fish for his aquarium

cute right? wanted him to buy a starfish but too bad his tank isn't very suited for it. oh well.

drove around pasir ris park for a while after that before he dropped me off and went home to sleep.

wanted to buy the $23 sweater from Fox in hot pink (not the pastel pink shown below) but they were out of stock. sales girl supposed to check for me if can be transfered over from somewhere else. hope there's still stock

work was pretty uneventful. spent the whole day chatting with pauline and gossiping about musicians and stuff. hahaha

octopus is on my bed now. wheee :)

over the weekend

WARNING: this is gonna be a long post.

first of all, it's been a while since i updated, partly due to project elevate and my sudden (and i mean sudden, like in one afternoon.) bout of sickness over the weekend. still kinda cranky coz my cough AND headache wont go away. which is so annoying.

now, to summarise last week.

birthday was cool, in fact the best since a long long time. many thanks to those who have made it special, and took the time to spend the day (and night) with me. and thanks so much for the birthday presents as well. i must say it's been really pink this year -



perfume from weiling, debbie, kaster, nigel, matthew, quek, ray, bernard, kenneth, joy, ziyou, hanwei (i hope i din miss out anyone)



and mr pink octopus.


got sick on friday with a very very fast acting sore throat. was talking in the morning and i lost my voice by 3pm. mr tham was happily saying that my voice was becoming more and more sexy. -.- seriously, try being in my shoes.

went over to debbie's chalet for a while and looked longingly at the cake i can't eat. then went home to zzz.

woke up on sat with a fever. which was bad coz it was project elevate night and there were things i have yet to do. ended up lying on my bed till like 3 and forced myself up and went for the event anyway. thank goodness paracetemol works, else i would have concussed somewhere around 5 plus.


project elevate went really well, though there were hiccups here and there as expected. it was like, the moment dinner started, everything just fell in place. think the guests really really enjoyed the evening, though it was kinda draggy at some points. funnest part was the guestbook, coz we switched to powerpoint's pen function instead of the usual clicker in the slide show and got the guests to sign on a tablet instead of a usual guest book. and we had people asking whether we wrote the app by ourself :p even chewy was like hmmm.. i dunno. turbo c?

so ya shall upload the pictures of the gifts soon, but here's a photo of my table:



clockwise : yizhe, me, cindy, russell, joseph and chunsiong


spent the whole of sunday asleep or at least, trying to fall asleep when your brother is demonstrating the effects of gravity to you.

yest was spent constructing the 3 555 timer circuit and designing the value of the resistors. happy coz i managed to do it despite being half groggy.

still trying to recover from the sickness though. hope my head will stop being heavy soon. ><

inter cca politics

suhui has no more pie.. :(


things have been going slow lately. is it just me?

life makes you choose all the time. decide what you want, decide what is good for you, and if having these two concurrently is not possible, weigh between the both of them.
i've been thinking lately, what if, you choose to have what you want, but lost the motivation to make the effort into continuing on? what happens then?

kinda sick and tired. woke up this morning and my head and eyes were telling me that i spent the last 30 hours awake and my headache was going to kill me soon. didn't exactly put me into a good mood. didn't help that it was raining cats and dogs in the morning and i got stuck in 3 traffic jams (one on TPE, one on SLE, one on Lentor Ave) spent the whole day in lab facebook-ing instead.
tmr i have an assignment set by mr chua and mdm tan who came in for a moment today, so i'll have something to entertain myself with, provided i get a good sleep.

bought 11 bucks worth of interesting chocolate pocky the other day. sin ar!

jy told me today that wl wasn't too happy with her because of her involvement in seg. I wasn't too happy upon hearing that. i mean, i knew that wl confirm grumble, coz after all jy was one of the active members at co and she was an office holder and wl didn't want what happened to me to happen again. what i didn't expect was that wl would all out bu shuang jy, to the extent that quite a few people know about it. like hello? it's her life. she should be the one deciding what to do with it. just because she's in co now, doesn't mean that its a life long contract that binds her there for the rest of eternity or something. fact that she called me out to talk to me the other day says alot - that she probably thinks i have some part to do in this which is why jy is sort of trying to follow in my footsteps. in any case, i told jy to ignore her, after all, she wont ask jy to quit co and she has no right to ask jy to leave seg as well. ask jy to tell me if anything's happening anyway, so hope everything goes fine.


project elevate is so unsettled.
things really dont seem to be going right. kinda concerned. haiz.

shall go hug my bed now. nites everyone

sony ericsson centre replaced my motherboard again.
hopefully it works well.

spent the whole day at MIC.
everyone was in a bad mood today, what with the whole saga in the morning where we're not being able to go into office, to the short meeting that didn't seem to achieve much, to the filming which i shall not comment too much..
things really dont seem to be going too well recently.

and now i'm not really in a good mood too.


listening to tryad now.
it's a free download album - industrial pop
good night music when you dont feel like sleeping



my mind is in a whirl and i dont know why. my body has been sending me signals that something's really wrong too, what with the backache and now the heavy breathing. i keep dreaming about running, from something. am i stressed? i think i am, though not sure what about. how do you treat something when you dont know the root of the problem?

thoughts

facebook is seriously addictive.
enough said.

anyways, i finished my bluetooth module!!
yay :) sends whatever rubbish properly now and at the correct timing.
shall switch off till next week when mr chua and mdm tan shall start training.

i see nic disappearing for school meetings very often lately.. oh well.

found myself removed off a blog link.
seriously i'm not surprised, considering it's like a chain reaction from whatever first triggered it. which, till this point of time, i'm not sure what i did. coz for the most part, it seems to be a matter of difference in perception. and i'm not given a chance to explain or say anything. all i'm doing is watching you systematically cut me off from your life.
it's always the case isn't it? something goes wrong, and you keep it in yourself till you explode.
has it ever occurred to you that it might be so much easier if we just thrashed out whatever problems that crop out as soon as it occurs? that way, there wouldn't be a need to second-guess whatever you are thinking. you've probably realised by now that what Mr X perceives as a problem may not be what Mr Y perceives as a problem too. and its not fair that one is cut off from another's life just because of 2 different views of the same issue.

event coming up on 3rd nov :)
looking fwd!

i really hope things go well this time round.
i sound like a hallmark card saying this but,
you're all i want.
and that's not gonna change.
nobody has ever made me feel this way before.
and i'm glad you're the one.

don't ever ever ever let go of me.
i♥u

resignations.

there are 10 pairs of commando shorts beside my bed now.
or more specifically 9 beside my bed and 1 on my butt. lols
pretty comfy.

cindy's resigning.
kinda sad.. after all she's quite nice.
oh wells.

went with her to cartel and to drink at harry's after work.
talked quite a bit.
dunno when will see her again. though she says she will meet us next week for dinner or smth. oh wells.

a vision of students today

found this in my mailbox this morning from stanley.
it's really good.

liked the part where the students showed all the problems in our world today and said that though "these are not problems that I created, they are MY problems"
i think it's really food for thought and strikes a chord in all students today.

just to share :)

sleepyhead

trying to listen to a talk @ microsoft now.
sleepy though so i decided to blog before it's breakfast time.

talk's really technical. don't really understand half of what's going on.
it's cool though, with silverlight, ajax, expression and stuff.
but still, i'm very tempted to fall asleep.

luppy calibrated my screen for me! yay - no more dead zones :)

gonna be busy later - after the talk i havve a meeting with luppy for project elevate, then i have dinner plans with stan yizhe chunsiong cindy joseph and agnes, for project elevate too.
tmr's back to school and to my bluetooth module.
it's sending out stuff really really fast. which doesn't make sense :(
hope i can finish this week.

i hope break comes soon. you know you're really tired when u're blogging and you're nodding off at the same time.

i'm really tired of this.
it's getting nowhere.
and it wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't that i feel that it's just me feeling this way.
or maybe u just dont wanna say.
but i'm confused and my mind's in a whirl.
and it's obvious u want an answer out of me,
but i have none.

maybe it's better if there's a break,
coz everytime u talk to me, rationality goes out of the window.
and i know nothing is or will be solved.
kind of sucks when i dont even have the basic faith that everything will be okay.

trying to bury myself with the mundane things happening around me..
courses, coding, food, events
running away i suppose, at the back of my head.
it's what i do best, and it's one of the few things i know.

exhausted now - from courses, parents, cluttered mind and running away..
and you.
you, and all the possibilities of something and potential points of failure and everything else associated with it, are the most exhausting of all.

it's so nice to be happy

lying on my bed now waiting for my hair to dry

happy now :)
my walking stick module works! ahahaha
besides the fact that it's sending pseudo-nonsense to my computer.
managed to get the bluetooth to work properly(finally!)
pretty productive for a friday i guess, though didn't do much except copy the codes from what i coded 2 days ago and was not working line by line and a little help from mr tham who sat there and reminded me to set this pin and clear that pin so taht everything works properly

as of now, i only have to rewire a pin and add a switch thingy
told lay sze the other day that i won't be able to finish by this week. which really happened! hahaha. but i didn't expect myself to finish so fast too. oh well underpromise overdeliver. lols.

went off to bugis after school to try and get myself 70 bucks richer. worked :) basically its a survey thingy that i have to call in like everytime they sms me to answer a series of questions. i see my phone bill reaching crappy amounts pretty good money. companion didn't want to entertain me though. i must be getting really nonsensical. (right? haha)

which reminds me that i'm 170 bucks richer in total for this month. earned a hundred yesterday doing an interview on pads with weitin (thanks girl btw). went out with her afterwards for jap food. which was really nice. oh and i saw chickens that dont look like chickens at the patch of long grass near mcys. hahaha

met qihe later at night. who insists he's vegetarian but he was eating veg rice with fish cake and ikan bilis and curry (chicken) all over the rice -.- seriously lor. his doctor's orders though so his mom has been nagging at him all day and he just went along with it to make his life easier. haha. passed him his cd and accompanied him for dinner and blabber nonsense for the whole time. lols.

gonna sleep soon. work early morning tomorrow. church event which means i'm gonna end up babysitting kids again. yawnx

grey areas

perception is the way we look at things, interpret the information around us in our environment. It's directly linked to mindset - if a wife's mindset is that her husband is cheating on her, then whatever information she processes will be perceived as that her husband is cheating on her. It's that simple a concept. but it sure as hell complicates everything - coz it makes everything not black and white, but a sea of grey. the thief will always be a thief in the eyes of the law, but if a thief steals food to feed her own children, does it necessarily mean it's wrong?
things dont usually appear the way it is. one has to be self-concious and not afraid to see the inner truths within. denial - is where most of us are at any point of time. denial that we're in the wrong, denial that we are the ones who set off the chain of reactions that follow. we're all wrong at some point of time, that's for sure. and as a result, we may end up hurting the people we love, and mostly, ourselves. no man is an island afterall. and nothing is as complicated as life.


i think i run away too much.

dreamer

dreams get shattered. alot.
and you would think that we would learn it the hard way and stop dreaming at all.
but if we're human, we'll still dream.
again and again and again.

it never stops

when crappy me meets the dumb microp

feeling really crappy.
and i've got the sudden urge to eat suki sushi.
which is not good coz
a) i'm not supposed to go out as i'm at 9-6 fyp everyday
b) i'm broke
c) everything else seems to be tasteless nowadays.

trying to get my stupid microp to work now.
yesterday morning it kept jumping back to the interrupt at the end of the interrupt -.-
solved that after lunch when i realised i had to clear some interrupt register.
and in the afternoon, my input pin was giving me a floating point of 1.7V when it's supposed to give me a ground. =.=
solved that this morning when i replaced the 10K resistor with a 1K resistor. though i don't think i'm supposed to do that.
now. i realised my portA interrupt-on-change is totally screwed coz it is NOT interrupting.
which is so not good coz i don't know why. >.<

brother has a love affair with harry potter book 7. he's like bringing it everywhere. i'm not surprised if he sleeps with it. well at least he's not annoying me. his exams are coming so my mom's making him study every night.

back's a little better. mostly coz i'm sitting on a cushion seat with a really really protruding lower back portion which helps support it, and coz the only thing i've been doing recently once i reach home is lie on my tummy. still hurts every now and then though.

going out for lunch soon. now it's back to brain cracking over the non-interrupting interrupt which is so annoying me.

Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you
Now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass
Better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get

boat quay

was at work on friday night. some SCO concert (pre-tour) that was pretty last minute and which they played like crap. like seriously? they killed celestial web. and that was one of my all time favourite pieces. still rmbed the time i first heard it in esplanade with the choir backing. man. talk about inspirational.

after that mic and chris and i went over to boat quay for some coffee. mic wanted to drink but i suddenly rmbed i took my pills and ya, we ended up in TCC (circular rd) instead. did i mention they changed the menu? now everything's like a) more expensive b) they removed some stuff from the menu - and one of them happens to be my all-time favourite drink. grrrrrr. i want my yuan yang!!



sat by the riverside after tcc chased us out at 1230 or so. pic above is the view of fullerton at about 1am in the morning. oh did you know that the lights illuminating fullerton is switched off at 2am? something new i learned.

we helped this poor guy taking surveys about the pathetic non-existent nightlife in sg. he earns like 6 bucks per survey from sg tourism board and apparently not a lot of pple wanted to entertain him. so ya, we did 2 surveys to keep him nice and happy. questions were kind of dumb though. i mean, what's the hype about midnight shopping at orchard?? the so-called sales are not even anywhere near fantastic.

there was a couple sitting beside us as well. happily smooching and in love and whatever. it was quite funny because somewhere a little past 2am he came over to us and said "i lost a bet. can you all give me a number? a fake number or smth?" which totally stunned me and mic. i gave him mine anyway. so he happily went back to his gf and showed it to her. and she called me. hahaha. he was really panicking at that point coz he thought i gave him a totally random number off the top of my head. lols.

exhausted

went to my GP yest coz the stupid ache seemed to be getting worse.
he did some weird positioning with my legs and what not and concluded that it wasn't any spinal problems, slipped disc or smth. just muscles. so ya, at least he set my fears to rest instead of the polyclinic doctor who just prescribed me medicine after i described my problem. -.-

met gary lim yesterday for 45 mins or so at the canteen to chat about stuffs and all that. he stunned me with a question about WSW. lol. well at least i'm not the only person who thinks that WSW is a very complicated person. ya and we were talking about lots of stuffs, politics and all that. guess we are both very disillusioned by the pretty picture half the world attempts to paint about life.

ya and now i'm in the lab waiting for 3 things to happen.
1) practical test to start once lay sze comes in and concludes her long long stories about facts-of-life.
2) my right eye to start developing rashes coz i just gluped down 2 tablets of paracetemol+orphenadrine citrate which is in english, a combination of painkillers and muscle relaxant. no idea why my eye likes to develop rashes though. probably is an allergy but there doesn't seem to be any similar thing that kicks off this effect. the last time this eye swelling thing happened was when i had diarrheoa medicine. and before that it was fever medicine or smth like that. oh whatever.
3) my direction of life to land on me. which isn't happening any time soon though. haiz. so so lost.

feel so exhausted and lethargic lately. dunno what's wrong. blood pressure's fine according to doc yesterday, so i supposed it's a mental state of mind rather than anything else.

backache

i can't sleep facing up.
lower back hurts when i do. >< which is really bad.
today it started hurting when i'm standing up. felt like a pregnant lady walking around with a backache. craps.

went to see a doctor at the polyclinic today.
she said its mostly likely due to strain and gave me paracetemol and a muscle rub for it.
seriously lor i paid 11.50 for somebody to tell me that + medicine.

aspiring doctor tan weiling says she charge cheaper. next time go to her if you got problem ya?
haah


was at SMU yesterday for a microsoft powerpoint talk by joseph's team. talk was pretty cool - could really hear the buzz of mini-conversations everytime something that increases productivity was taught.

went to magic wok for thai food (free of course) and listened to them talk about the upcoming elections and all the blunders some of them made, like pasting one's poster outside the guy's toilet only and not the girl's one. and about tissue papers. hahaha

falling

you know what's the bright side about falling?
it gives your friends a chance to catch you and bring you up again.

thanks pple - my 2 babes, bf who's in army but still called me the other night to catch up, the other msps who have tried to cheer me up and talk to me and have fun and bring beer, stratix, and whoever else i missed out :)

alert!

spent the whole afternoon just trying to get the stupid MPLAB to stop generating errors. like seriously lor. i have yet to even start programming and its giving me errors upon build. after google-ing it, realised there was an error in the default template -.- and there goes my entire saturday afternoon. so not fun.

cute guy alert for these 2 days.
was out having sushi with kaster and weiling yest and there was this guy alone sitting opposite KASTER. and the only reason why (kaster please read this) is coz the waitress made him sit there. otherwise he would have been sitting opposite me or beside me liao. so kaster u dont try and play punk and steal my cute guy. he's MINE! haha.
swimming trip today ended up as a floating trip, coz there were swimming classes going on left right front. and wherever you were, you were in danger of getting hit by ssome random kid who can't keep his arms and legs and pajamas and goggles to himself. so me and my cousin parked at the side of the pool to watch the controlled chaos happening around us. but ya. main point is got HUNK keep swimming PAST US!!! then he was swimming with his head out of the water. which was so good coz we had all the opportunity to look at him ahem, the scenery. hahaha.

i'm supposed to be getting over you. but fact is i'm not. so not.
suddenly realised that i'm not in control of myself anymore. not my feelings, not my thoughts, not my actions. i even let you kiss me. and to think that i used to be able to do that. to shut away all the pain and assert complete control of myself and my feelings and my plans and everything else.
now, i'm just lost. i don't know what to do, and i dont know where to turn to. would this have happened if i haven't met you? or will it have happened anyway? you made everything crash land on me, when things seem to be fine. when i believed that there was something there.
i'm angry. you know that, just by judging the amount of tantrums i have been throwing, the number of outbursts i have flared. and i know its a difficult time for you too, what with the politics and stuff going on among your colleagues, and me giving you a hard time whichever way you turn. but i have every right to be angry, just because you made me choose. and it was a ridiculous choice in the very first place.
maybe its better for both of us. that's what i keep telling myself. no more compromises, no more restrictions. that sounds good. right? but then again, if it's supposed to be, then why do i feel this ache within me all the time?

how do you get over someone when the fact is you never wished to leave him in the very first place? enlighten me, someone, please.

lessons

haven been in the mood to do anything lately. so just some simple plain updates

this week and next week's project is with the year 2s. and mdm tan is telling stories again. haha

results out. my fav lecturer gave me an A.

supposed to do microcontroller project for tham weng seng. not progressing anywhere past programming. haha

trying to document weird stuffs about project in my phone. just to kill time and to get my mind off things.

supposed to look for wu siong wei regarding some matters and entertain J and his requests for a event which is so lasst minute.

there's this really great place to eat steamboat at beach road.



yum. it's supposed to be korean but its run by a chinese lady. it's not bad really, and cheap too. about 16 nett :)

glass half-empty

whoever said life is a bed of roses, is a total moron. seriously.

i'm so glass half-empty.

we're engineers. we are supposed to be logical, analytical, detailed. we classify problems into the same category - power supply line, noise due to interference from RF signals, noise due to component imperfection, floating points- and we apply the same approach to solve these problems. we're results driven and we're reliable and accurate coz one wrong move, point, number or connection may result in a whole system failing, people dying, millions of dollars of losses. whatever.
and we are also social retards. i mean, dealing with systems, components, products, numbers, figures, equations and circuits everyday, it does have its price. we forget how to feel, how to behave, how and when to hold on, how to let go, essentially, the human connection. to us, its all dead components that we put together to serve a purpose, to perfect things that are already perfect. and we forget that we ourselves, we're imperfect. and the world around us, it's imperfect too. and when we finally face this imperfection, we tend to be over-logical, we over-classify, and we analyse too much into things that shouldn't be too closely looked at, like feelings and matters of the heart. then we either choose to force perfection on to it, or we choose to bring up some non-important quality and brush the imperfection off as a compromise to achieve this quality. kinda screwed aren't we?
and coz we know we can't deal with it, we choose to bury ourselves with equations and electronic components and machines. because we know that they can't hurt us the way interpersonal relationships can. because we know that the problems we face here are still solvable by following a step-by-step rule. because we know that we suck at dealing with this type of things. and because we can tell ourselves that we're trying to make the world a better place, when the fact is we're running away.

am i rambling? i think i'm rambling again.


the people you know wont hurt you, are the people you know you wont fall in love with.

Pain.

Pain. we all hate pain, be it in any form- cuts, random aches, blue blacks.. the kind of stuff that we endure everyday. then there's the kind of pain, that blocks out your mind and makes everything recede into nothingness, the kind of pain where there's only you and yourself and how much it hurt.

personally i hate that. or at least, i think i do. it's a level that can only be achieved when you're mentally and emotionally hurt, and that's not a good feeling at all. and somehow, people, okay, specifically me, we bring the pain, invite it even, into our lives, knowing how much it will hurt and hoping that it will heal someday somewhen. why? why let yourself get hurt at all? why do we keep hitting ourselves time and time again?

maybe we all need that pain. i dunno, maybe things wont seem real without pain. maybe it's a form of reality check that life manufactures in bulk. maybe we are wired that way.

or maybe because you know it will feel so damn good when you stop hitting yourself with a hammer.

pain. we all have to go through it. ride it out. push through. open the cut that won't heal and air it and let it do it's work. hope it goes away on its own. it hurts. really really hurts. we all know that. and you can't outrun it coz life always makes more. and the thing about pain- the more you think you are in control of it and the messy emotions, the less you are.

dead drunk last night.

was feeling really emo. then chunsiong and yizhe came over to return my long lost trolley. so yeah. they brought 440ml cans of beer and i got special treatment

this is what chunsiong and yizhe drank. 4.something% of alcohol


THIS is what they got for me. 8.8% of alcohol


and i don't really react well to beer. okay. alcohol in general actually. then my dear 2 guys wanted me to finish and they waited for me to finish. so yeah i did. stupidest move in my life.

obviously i got drunk. did i mention i didn't eat dinner coz i was feeling lousy too? and craps. puked like no one's business. went home and went to sleep just moments before my mom came back. and the only reason why my mom knew i was drinking was coz somebody found my wallet which i dropped somewhere along the way to my place and she came in to wake me up to scold me. and obviously i couldn't be bothered.



i really don't feel good.
supposed to go Microsoft later for a event meeting. and i think there's gonna be post discussion beer. or something to that extent. okay. it's cancelled.but anyway, funny how the guys' answer to problems always seem to be alcohol.

how do you want me to choose? i can't. really.
it's a choice of whether i should just let go-of everything, of all the memories for the past year. or continue pretending that i can't see. it's a choice of the lesser of two evils actually, which sounds relatively simple to choose between. the only problem is, i don't know which one is worse. and i don't know whether i should listen to my head - which i really should-, or my heart - which i really want to-.
you asked me whether i prefer to hear lies. well, maybe i do. coz the truth hurts so so much more. i know it isn't fair to me, i know i shouldn't even continue on in the very first place, i know that at the end of the day, i might be the one losing out. i know i'm trying to mask the pain. i know. i know.
and somehow, i just can't stop thinking of continuing on.
i was so looking forward to everything. things seemed to be going fine, we were having fun and looking forward to my birthday and stuff, and i was enjoying myself despite the nagging voice at the back of my head.

i really don't want it to end like this. i don't want all this to disappear.

you know, making this decision, it's not supposed to be this hard.
and fact: i still don't know what to do.
why do you always have to take my breath away?

Digital Murder

-looks at picture above-

Couldn't resist changing it. -rubs hands in glee-

Haha!

for more cool pics - check out stratix's deviantart in my links beside --->

:(

i'm annoyed and in pain!!!

7 blisters coz of one stupid pair of new shoes.
2 reaaally huge ones that burst and hurt like no one's business
1 blue black on my foot as well which i've got no idea where the hell i got it

tummy hurts coz of some foreign sweet in my hot chocolate drink.
all thanks to some f-ing idiot

and i'm not in SMU for their event as a result.

blardy hell.

too short holidays

here i am in Kou Fu.. waiting for my project briefing at 1pm.

okay now i'm at home. didn't manage to type finish just now. lol

Speaking of project briefing, think the lecturers are smart to put it so late. the general project briefing has this tendency to run late. today's briefing was delayed by half an hour due to technical difficulties -- the LT's speaker system decided not to work. then again, it's a tradition. oh well.



my holidays basically just flew past me without me realising it. sat back yest to think about what the hell i actually did during the past week.


Saturday: Microsoft Meeting
Sunday: stayed home
Monday: stayed home
Tuesday: went out to meet someone, went to the library, and went home to babysit my brother
Wedsnesday: met up with jospeh and cindy at SMU for a meeting, went to microsoft for a while, and then to school to attend SSN's Commissioning.
Thursday: went to school to attend my commissioning's rehearsal, collected blazers, went numbers bar
Friday: attended my commissioning (ORD loh!) went to school chalet and stayed overnight
Saturday: went to work after checking out of the chalet
Sunday: stayed at home and reflected on why the hell my holidays were so crappy.


zzz. so no life lor. i'm like. at school more than 60% of the time.











My commissioning was like over in. 15 mins. good job right? of course, the actual whole thing longer, after all the photos and entertaining of directors/staffs and the like. you know, usual stuff. Sadly no clubs came though. think was too rushed. oh well. anyway, i'll upload the photos once augustine gives me the cd :)

chalet afterwards was sort of fun. kind of quiet -- the other race that we're friendly with went over to ECP for a mutual friend's birthday party. but of course, we had our own fun la! the SSN girls left early, N and C went home early too coz N had a curfew and i dont really see N without C so.. -shrugs- but the rest of us lamed for quite a while though.

This is all of us left at 11 or so! okay, with the exception of zhangran who was sleeping.



then calvyn came by..



he happens to be kaster's next target so she chupped in our picture..



introducing.. my new president!



Kaster was really busy that night with her potential targets..
here's another one.



Social Studies question: What can you infer from the picture below?



Internal Joke: LUST only what!!



and we can't miss out the complicated family. there's the great granddaughter, the grandson who is the mother of the great granddaughter, and the ah-ma.. all in order. haha




heard this interesting conversation today though.
"oh Ms. So and So!! She not good one lor. her tips not accurate one. i got a D for her module."
"oh you all talking about Ms. So and So ar? She's good what. She gave me an A!"
So... am i suppose to conclude that marks places a deciding factor in whether a lecturer is good or not? :S

just stuffs

heard someone used roger's name to write fuck you all on weiling's blog.
sheesh. total immaturity and lack of balls. thinks its _______ but well, nobody will know unless it was accidentally blurted out. seriously, what achievement can one get from that act?? argh, spoil mood.

speaking of spoil mood, somebody owes me a moment. which is NOT equals to torque, or force * magnitude, or whatever equivalent of the physics definition of moment. >.<

anyway, joseph and yizhe were alert enough to catch the 19 to 24 = 5 floors blunder by stanley who gave an impromptu presentation to the SCS students on weds. which stanley says is the reason why he is not in finance. wahahahaha.

had to leave early for SSN commissioning though, so i missed a great part of his demo. so i left and i arrived at LTN2 just in time for.....
FOOD! whoops. but must say that ziyou is already well known. lol guess that's one of the things about being P. he spent quite a fair bit of time entertaining the managers. which was quite funny coz xiaoying wanted to introduce yisu to the Course manager and he was busy with zi you.
heard that chai was angry that he wasn't invited. again, big whoops for SSN.

weird thing about them is the apparent lack of ... i don't know what to insert here. but it's like, everyone's doing their own thing, no one seems to know clearly what the other is doing, and what's going on in the overall picture. probably the lecturer is the only one that knows everything, which makes it so secondary school. i mean, hey this is a student club. just let them run the show! no use trying to bao everything right, after all, there are only 2 lecturers and they have their own stuffs to do. that's what a committee is for anyway. kind of weird if A & B are assigned this thing and the rest of them only knows that they are assigned this thing and know NO other details besides that. really, this reminds me of what happened during orientation between us and katherine's committee. we're like doing 2 different things and what i feel that we should be doing is, well, already done by them! ended up with multiple copies of the same thing and lots of long long discussions and spoilt feelings between us and them.then there was the apparent assumption that she's doing all the work by the directors, which is really unfair for my committee. sigh. all the heartaches

wanted to go eskibar with gang, but well, citing financial concerns, we'll be going elsewhere in clarke quay, try to take some photos. haha

and i'll be starting project next week under Mdm Tan. kind of looking forward to it, coz got challenge ma. but then again. it's a frosted glass room with ... arghs. so so spoil mood.

oh for the record, i love joseph's 150dBm group. and james is SUCH an attention seeker.

5 random things to do with lobsters and crabs :)

This post is dedicated to weiling to prove to her that randomness is entertaining.

1. Take family portraits and random photos


2. Attempt to eat them. May result in side effects

3. Use them as eyepads. lobsteriere et crabbe de la creme anyone?

4. Practice on making lobster sushi/handroll with the lobster and the bubble wrap

5. Plaster them on your brother's mouth when he tries to annoy you when you're sick

Before: Sick Me

After: lobster decorated brother

Actually wanted to blog at Microsoft today but didnt really get the time aside from all the discussions and the laughs. Today was pretty cool, got to check out photosynth, popfly, HDview and 3d earth. photo synth was really really cool stuff. will play with it more if i have a chance.

anyway Lup peng randomly gave me his hat. which baofa says i look short in. -.-

anyway pictures below of them playing fooz ball and pool. wanted to take photos of the SMU peeps too but they were having a meeting :( oh well next time thens

the long long outing that ended up in the police station

long long story.

but anyway, let's start with yesterday. the day before.

RF paper was on tuesday. it was pretty okay i guess. though i could have done it better (same goes for the rest of the modules come to think of it). Spent 30 mins listening to the argument between my left brain and my right brain over whether i should cancel question 3 or cancel question 2. left brain says that the values in question 2 are waay weird. right brain says but u cant remember whether to conjugate Zin for question 2. left brain insists that i will be able to score more marks for question 3. right brain says might as well score a fixed value for the first few parts and method marks the rest if the values are wrong rather than bank 20 marks on question 2 alone well.. you get my drift

just for the record, 3 consecutive back to back papers are totally brain numbing.
after rf paper ended at 630, i went home and ate and napped and went out to meet thomas at macdonalds to study. where i promptly stayed until 3am. (looks at huge cup of latte) I am sooo brain dead now. especially after wireless paper was over.

wireless paper on the other hand.. lost marks here and there again. mainly because i totally forgot about gaussian filters. and there were like 2 or 3 question on it. which was a very very smart move for my brain. craps. this is like one of the worse exam periods ever.
forwards to exciting part so after the wireless paper, met up with weiling, xiaoying, kaster, namheng, bo yao, nigel, bernard and kangwei after weiling, xiaoying and nigel managed to escape the jaws of BITC. went for a very very late lunch at AMK Hub, followed by fondue (pics are with xiaoying).

anyway, bo yao the poor thing left his phone on the table. and when he found out, we had already finished our fondue. so we went up to check with the cleaners, and -nil-. Kaster then noticed that there were CCTVs which led us to look for the manager, who told us to come back at 6. So we went for a quick game of pool in which quek's phone went missing and i got suan-ed for being short (like again) and quek got a new hair style by aspiring stylist wei ling --->


after getting back to food fare, we found out that the phone was really taken away by someone and was none other than the friend of an ex-worker who came back to settle some stuffs. she was really really unlucky in a way, coz we had all the information of the ex-worker on hand - handphone number, address and such. the manager then proceeded to call that particular ex-worker, who actually admitted that they took the phone by saying that they had already passed it to security! but the thing is, when we checked with security, they said there wasn't any phone left with them. >.<
@ the police station

poor bo yao answering the same questions again, and again, and again, and again




Boredom takes over, and weiling practices her design skills

Weiling's custom handbag made of recycled materials!

Proud owner of the new handbag



and of course, we thought of all sorts of crappy stuffs like buying 4D, calling newpaper to get a new samsung phone, all for the sake of entertainment of course. Can't expect anything else from 8 bored people accompanying 1 person to make a report right? haha

of lies and disappointment

telecoms paper today.
didnt read a question properly. lost 8 marks.
there goes my CWA. oh well.

kind of empty after the paper though. seems as if i spend the past 18 weeks just studying for this paper and now that is all over... lost? empty? dunno. weird feelings.
3 more papers. so not enjoying it. argh

met yong sheng up just now at bedok to pass him his adobe suite. was so tired i slept all the way to marina bay -.- ended up being quite late. anyway the adobe suite says made in singapore. lols.

people lie. fact
though you would think that they would lie more intelligently. asked -inserts random name- to email me some stuffs that the SA officer wanted. checked with him a couple of days later when i didn't see anything new in my inbox. so apparently this person said he did, to my hotmail account. okays. benefit of doubt. went home searched through and nope. nil. messaged him again, asked him to send it to my gmail as well, you know just in case there's something wrong with the routing and the IP packets and hops as well as whatever we learned in year2. got this a s a reply "hmmm how to? when i'm being blocked from your emails. in case you are not aware. Cheers"
riiight. like i'd be so free to block all your emails. even if i did block you in MSN, emails still can be sent. stop lying. You needn't have told me that you emailed, when the fact is you didn't. seriously.
you can dislike me, that's perfectly fine. Probably you already know that i dont even want to talk to you outside of work-related stuffs. but the thing is, if you can't even draw a line between personal grudges and work and lie to me as a result then you have probably clocked the lowest level of disappointment ever. you know, i thought you were better, that you could actually at the very least not disappoint me in that aspect. well i guess you have proven me wrong.
have you ever actually stopped and reflected back? the lies to your friends and lecturers, the things you say behind your friends' back, the sarcarsm you give me when i need to get things done oh am i going to get my head chopped off because of that?, the total fakeness and ego, the immature stuffs that you do to people who have turned away from you. what does knocking into her on purpose actually accomplish anyway? it just proves that you are so SO narrowminded and your immaturity.
and as a result, you have alienated yourself...

and nobody can help you if you can't help yourself.

a stolen quote off somebody's blog :D

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." - Frank Outlaw.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

chosed the colors and this is what i got

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.
You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.
You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.

Mr Chai's Room

One of the few things i love about Mr Chai's office usually i dread going there - this poster pasted on the wall.
Never tire of reading it, really.

Here's what it says:


ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Food for thought. :)

Exam Period

exams are one of my favorite periods of the school year

the silence

the emptiness of the school

the extra seats available in the canteen

the unfamilliarity of your pen when you hold it for the first time in... 1 month

the peacefulness, without all the background noise of chatter, ringtones, mp3 players, laptops, game consoles..

and of course, no classes! which equates to more sleep! -hugs nonexistent pillow-

ahhh... what good life.
and of course, you start to realise that handphones and laptops and pocky and blogspot are major distractions.





and as the minutes tick away in the quietness, you suddenly realise that you haven actually accomplished anything. and that, unfortunately, shatters your self-imposed illusion.
zzz. i hate exams.


my messy study table.

hung out for a while with yongsheng and baofa at starbucks yesterday. haven talked to them for quite a while, so it was quite a bit of catching up. forgot to take pictures though. oh well. next time then. haha

was trying to convince dad to get the hp tablet for me. :D hopefully he'll get it. then i wont bitch about lousy graphics anymore haha.



AND interestingly enough, one of my little leopard cory fishes -points to picture- that i bought on thursday disappeared.
really.
there's only the other one left, plus the angelfish. no sign of the other, not even when i cleaned up the tank. not even a freaking skeleton. :S weird disappearing fish. -wonders where it went- :(

oh well. i should get back to studying. zzz

Note to self: sleeping does NOT help in getting info into your head. :(

redefining redundancy

i was enlightened as to the redefinitition of the word redundancy.
as expected, both the deputy director and the course manager were nowhere to be seen. suspected that he was using their names yet AGAIN. it's not the first time anyway, so i'm not surprised. it's just an issue of how low he will stoop to annoy me. seriously have no idea what he is trying to accomplish anyway.

redundancy wise, __ was trying to show off that he actually knows SOMETHING i guess. questions were pretty dumb, esp from somebody with high qualifications. how much does this cost? they are for transmission purposes.so are you going to buy the hardware and broadcast your own hd channel in the poly? what brand is it? you already bought your equipment for the module. what's the point and value in that question? and anyway the digital imaging software is more for the SIDM students how come when you all play it's like so perfect huh? redundancy dude, redundancy. no one expects tv to have a major failure every other day. it's the same as PSTN. it's a matter of adding redundancy to support. you know, hot standby, N+X, load sharing and whatever. do you all sleep here? when they mention hundreds of hours, they mean man-hours. not "i'm physically there for hundreds of hours straight" hours. seriously.

have to commend him on making an effort to tag along my group (we were split into a couple of groups for easier movement). probably he thinks that i'll step on to his tail again and talk about the lack of equipment. on the bright side, we were spared from answering questions like "so what are you guys doing for HDTV in school?". but then again, he hogged the question and answer session. in fact, we had to cut him a couple of times to ask questions. -rolls eyes- oh well. hopefully it'll be one of the last few times i have to endure his nonsense. maybe i'll actually miss him. -snorts-


showed asri the russell clip. its still pretty funny, despite hearing it for the Nth time. he's not a bad comedian. lols

-randoms- miss the peeps at MSP

big brown mosquito in my room. :(
commencing operation smack that mozzie.

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

it's not something you will wanna buy

stratix just crushed my hopes and dreams.

5-figure for the graphics card

:(

of politics and decisions

Commissioning is confirmed to be on the 31st of this month. was asked whether it's a good or bad thing. i replied that being able to step down is a huge sigh of relief. seen too much during my term. I guess that's the price of being in the spotlight. though on second thoughts, i think i will still kaypoh abit and hang around till the end.

stuff's been happening lately.

talked to a teacher fren of mine the other day. he was mentioning that 2 different syllabuses were being run for the same subject, and coz of the difference in workload, his students were complaining. the impression that he gave me was kind of contradicting though. it's like he seemed really resigned about it, and said that its not up to him to say anything, he's just following instructions and running his side of the module though he also didnt seem to be happy about the other syllabus. Then when his students came over to hand in their folios and workbooks, he was the one who initiated this topic. "later you say that my class got alot of work again" i dont know whether it was just a in the moment kind of thing, or if he was trying to prove that his students really think that way.. -shrugs- anyway i havent heard the other side of the story yet, so i shall reserve my opinions until then.

had my last lecture of my poly life (hopefully) yesterday. then it'll be study break for a week followed by a week of back to back examinations and another week of holidays. Then it's another semester of project/attachment and WHEE!
Short term wise i'm still thinking whether to work first or study first and whether to get a scholarship and where to go to study and what company if i'm going to get a scholarship.
kinda want to work in that company coz the culture is pretty cool. but the problem is that they only like grads and getting in is an achievement by itself. Or maybe i should just get a scholarship and clock experience in whatever company first before i change to this one.
oh well i think i shall just drag the decision making though. probably i should concentrate on worldskills first and get myself into the final team that will eventually be going for the national rounds. Maybe then i'll decide whether to choose a company straight away and sign a bond or apply to one after i grad from uni. maybe then i'll know better what i want.

mediacorp field trip tomorrow. the doctorate has been hyping about it and saying stuffs like the deputy director and the course manager will be joining us there. why they would, i have got no idea. oh and he kept telling me not to tell mediacorp that we dont have any lab equipment. why i would, i have got absolutely no idea as well. even if i did i dont they think they will give a damn anyway. think i can count on him to make me even more high profile. had this nagging feeling that he was talking about me to the agilent guy, and asri felt that too. oh well, we shall see tomorrow. i have not done anything wrong and in any case, he's not that important too worry about anyway.

oh btw, conditioner does wonders to your hair.

they are your friends. and when you work with them, you think that they understand your actions and thoughts and the helplessness you feel when you have to do things you can't help but have to do. but the thing is...

they don't. and the most heartwrenching part is when you sacrifice the friendship because of it.

Aero O Aero..

clean installed vista on my laptop. which accounts for my lack of activity online for the past couple of days.
and after 1 full day of headaches trying to get all the drivers and stuff installed properly, i found out that windows aero is not working.
yay.
like seriously what's the point of vista ultimate without Aero Glass? No nice features. no flip 3d, no dreamscene. :(
checked the web and found out that my integrated graphics card is too old to support.

Q3: Is Intel providing WDDM drivers for Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 900 (Intel GMA 900) on Intel 915 Express chipset-based platforms?
A3: Intel will provide support for WDDM drivers beginning with the Intel® 945 Express chipset family and beyond. See question 5 below for a detailed explanation of WDDM support on Intel® 915 Express chipset-based platforms. However, Windows Vista is supported on the Intel® 865G, 915G Express desktop chipsets and 852/855GM mobile chipsets running XPDM (XP Display Driver Model) driver included on the Windows Vista install media. Windows Vista will install on these platforms, but advanced features such as Windows Aero will not be enabled as XPDM drivers do not support Windows AERO.

then yesterday my vista decided to be annoying and gave me a BSOD everytime it shuts down when its on battery.
luckily i met up with davis yesterday and he helped me unchecked the restart automatically checkbox when there's a system failure. (yeah my vista BSODed and refused to shut down after that) It's some interrupt problem, which davis says its most likely due to a problem with the installation of some drivers.
i ended up clean installing vista again this morning till about 4am, and this time, when i inserted the application restore disk that came with my laptop, i unchecked like almost everything besides the sound and video drivers.
Now it's okay, so i'm happy contented despite the lack of aero. trying to download my stuff now, the nice gadgets and redundant software like webshots that davis is nagging at me to uninstall. oh and i have yet to figure out how to set up my bluetooth here too. suspect the bluetooth driver on the application restore cd is crashing vista, so i shall search around for it. (btw, hp site is impossible when it comes to finding drivers )



I like the way it looks, especially on widescreen. pretty sleek huh? though i think everyone would agree that my fugly laptop sticker spoils everything.



Weijie says that there's an external graphics card by nvidia though. Very gien to buy it, though its kind of dumb to buy a usb drvien graphics card that you have to plug in just to see Aero. lol