just stuffs

heard someone used roger's name to write fuck you all on weiling's blog.
sheesh. total immaturity and lack of balls. thinks its _______ but well, nobody will know unless it was accidentally blurted out. seriously, what achievement can one get from that act?? argh, spoil mood.

speaking of spoil mood, somebody owes me a moment. which is NOT equals to torque, or force * magnitude, or whatever equivalent of the physics definition of moment. >.<

anyway, joseph and yizhe were alert enough to catch the 19 to 24 = 5 floors blunder by stanley who gave an impromptu presentation to the SCS students on weds. which stanley says is the reason why he is not in finance. wahahahaha.

had to leave early for SSN commissioning though, so i missed a great part of his demo. so i left and i arrived at LTN2 just in time for.....
FOOD! whoops. but must say that ziyou is already well known. lol guess that's one of the things about being P. he spent quite a fair bit of time entertaining the managers. which was quite funny coz xiaoying wanted to introduce yisu to the Course manager and he was busy with zi you.
heard that chai was angry that he wasn't invited. again, big whoops for SSN.

weird thing about them is the apparent lack of ... i don't know what to insert here. but it's like, everyone's doing their own thing, no one seems to know clearly what the other is doing, and what's going on in the overall picture. probably the lecturer is the only one that knows everything, which makes it so secondary school. i mean, hey this is a student club. just let them run the show! no use trying to bao everything right, after all, there are only 2 lecturers and they have their own stuffs to do. that's what a committee is for anyway. kind of weird if A & B are assigned this thing and the rest of them only knows that they are assigned this thing and know NO other details besides that. really, this reminds me of what happened during orientation between us and katherine's committee. we're like doing 2 different things and what i feel that we should be doing is, well, already done by them! ended up with multiple copies of the same thing and lots of long long discussions and spoilt feelings between us and them.then there was the apparent assumption that she's doing all the work by the directors, which is really unfair for my committee. sigh. all the heartaches

wanted to go eskibar with gang, but well, citing financial concerns, we'll be going elsewhere in clarke quay, try to take some photos. haha

and i'll be starting project next week under Mdm Tan. kind of looking forward to it, coz got challenge ma. but then again. it's a frosted glass room with ... arghs. so so spoil mood.

oh for the record, i love joseph's 150dBm group. and james is SUCH an attention seeker.

5 random things to do with lobsters and crabs :)

This post is dedicated to weiling to prove to her that randomness is entertaining.

1. Take family portraits and random photos


2. Attempt to eat them. May result in side effects

3. Use them as eyepads. lobsteriere et crabbe de la creme anyone?

4. Practice on making lobster sushi/handroll with the lobster and the bubble wrap

5. Plaster them on your brother's mouth when he tries to annoy you when you're sick

Before: Sick Me

After: lobster decorated brother

Actually wanted to blog at Microsoft today but didnt really get the time aside from all the discussions and the laughs. Today was pretty cool, got to check out photosynth, popfly, HDview and 3d earth. photo synth was really really cool stuff. will play with it more if i have a chance.

anyway Lup peng randomly gave me his hat. which baofa says i look short in. -.-

anyway pictures below of them playing fooz ball and pool. wanted to take photos of the SMU peeps too but they were having a meeting :( oh well next time thens

the long long outing that ended up in the police station

long long story.

but anyway, let's start with yesterday. the day before.

RF paper was on tuesday. it was pretty okay i guess. though i could have done it better (same goes for the rest of the modules come to think of it). Spent 30 mins listening to the argument between my left brain and my right brain over whether i should cancel question 3 or cancel question 2. left brain says that the values in question 2 are waay weird. right brain says but u cant remember whether to conjugate Zin for question 2. left brain insists that i will be able to score more marks for question 3. right brain says might as well score a fixed value for the first few parts and method marks the rest if the values are wrong rather than bank 20 marks on question 2 alone well.. you get my drift

just for the record, 3 consecutive back to back papers are totally brain numbing.
after rf paper ended at 630, i went home and ate and napped and went out to meet thomas at macdonalds to study. where i promptly stayed until 3am. (looks at huge cup of latte) I am sooo brain dead now. especially after wireless paper was over.

wireless paper on the other hand.. lost marks here and there again. mainly because i totally forgot about gaussian filters. and there were like 2 or 3 question on it. which was a very very smart move for my brain. craps. this is like one of the worse exam periods ever.
forwards to exciting part so after the wireless paper, met up with weiling, xiaoying, kaster, namheng, bo yao, nigel, bernard and kangwei after weiling, xiaoying and nigel managed to escape the jaws of BITC. went for a very very late lunch at AMK Hub, followed by fondue (pics are with xiaoying).

anyway, bo yao the poor thing left his phone on the table. and when he found out, we had already finished our fondue. so we went up to check with the cleaners, and -nil-. Kaster then noticed that there were CCTVs which led us to look for the manager, who told us to come back at 6. So we went for a quick game of pool in which quek's phone went missing and i got suan-ed for being short (like again) and quek got a new hair style by aspiring stylist wei ling --->


after getting back to food fare, we found out that the phone was really taken away by someone and was none other than the friend of an ex-worker who came back to settle some stuffs. she was really really unlucky in a way, coz we had all the information of the ex-worker on hand - handphone number, address and such. the manager then proceeded to call that particular ex-worker, who actually admitted that they took the phone by saying that they had already passed it to security! but the thing is, when we checked with security, they said there wasn't any phone left with them. >.<
@ the police station

poor bo yao answering the same questions again, and again, and again, and again




Boredom takes over, and weiling practices her design skills

Weiling's custom handbag made of recycled materials!

Proud owner of the new handbag



and of course, we thought of all sorts of crappy stuffs like buying 4D, calling newpaper to get a new samsung phone, all for the sake of entertainment of course. Can't expect anything else from 8 bored people accompanying 1 person to make a report right? haha

of lies and disappointment

telecoms paper today.
didnt read a question properly. lost 8 marks.
there goes my CWA. oh well.

kind of empty after the paper though. seems as if i spend the past 18 weeks just studying for this paper and now that is all over... lost? empty? dunno. weird feelings.
3 more papers. so not enjoying it. argh

met yong sheng up just now at bedok to pass him his adobe suite. was so tired i slept all the way to marina bay -.- ended up being quite late. anyway the adobe suite says made in singapore. lols.

people lie. fact
though you would think that they would lie more intelligently. asked -inserts random name- to email me some stuffs that the SA officer wanted. checked with him a couple of days later when i didn't see anything new in my inbox. so apparently this person said he did, to my hotmail account. okays. benefit of doubt. went home searched through and nope. nil. messaged him again, asked him to send it to my gmail as well, you know just in case there's something wrong with the routing and the IP packets and hops as well as whatever we learned in year2. got this a s a reply "hmmm how to? when i'm being blocked from your emails. in case you are not aware. Cheers"
riiight. like i'd be so free to block all your emails. even if i did block you in MSN, emails still can be sent. stop lying. You needn't have told me that you emailed, when the fact is you didn't. seriously.
you can dislike me, that's perfectly fine. Probably you already know that i dont even want to talk to you outside of work-related stuffs. but the thing is, if you can't even draw a line between personal grudges and work and lie to me as a result then you have probably clocked the lowest level of disappointment ever. you know, i thought you were better, that you could actually at the very least not disappoint me in that aspect. well i guess you have proven me wrong.
have you ever actually stopped and reflected back? the lies to your friends and lecturers, the things you say behind your friends' back, the sarcarsm you give me when i need to get things done oh am i going to get my head chopped off because of that?, the total fakeness and ego, the immature stuffs that you do to people who have turned away from you. what does knocking into her on purpose actually accomplish anyway? it just proves that you are so SO narrowminded and your immaturity.
and as a result, you have alienated yourself...

and nobody can help you if you can't help yourself.

a stolen quote off somebody's blog :D

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." - Frank Outlaw.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

chosed the colors and this is what i got

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.
You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.
You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.

Mr Chai's Room

One of the few things i love about Mr Chai's office usually i dread going there - this poster pasted on the wall.
Never tire of reading it, really.

Here's what it says:


ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Food for thought. :)

Exam Period

exams are one of my favorite periods of the school year

the silence

the emptiness of the school

the extra seats available in the canteen

the unfamilliarity of your pen when you hold it for the first time in... 1 month

the peacefulness, without all the background noise of chatter, ringtones, mp3 players, laptops, game consoles..

and of course, no classes! which equates to more sleep! -hugs nonexistent pillow-

ahhh... what good life.
and of course, you start to realise that handphones and laptops and pocky and blogspot are major distractions.





and as the minutes tick away in the quietness, you suddenly realise that you haven actually accomplished anything. and that, unfortunately, shatters your self-imposed illusion.
zzz. i hate exams.


my messy study table.

hung out for a while with yongsheng and baofa at starbucks yesterday. haven talked to them for quite a while, so it was quite a bit of catching up. forgot to take pictures though. oh well. next time then. haha

was trying to convince dad to get the hp tablet for me. :D hopefully he'll get it. then i wont bitch about lousy graphics anymore haha.



AND interestingly enough, one of my little leopard cory fishes -points to picture- that i bought on thursday disappeared.
really.
there's only the other one left, plus the angelfish. no sign of the other, not even when i cleaned up the tank. not even a freaking skeleton. :S weird disappearing fish. -wonders where it went- :(

oh well. i should get back to studying. zzz

Note to self: sleeping does NOT help in getting info into your head. :(

redefining redundancy

i was enlightened as to the redefinitition of the word redundancy.
as expected, both the deputy director and the course manager were nowhere to be seen. suspected that he was using their names yet AGAIN. it's not the first time anyway, so i'm not surprised. it's just an issue of how low he will stoop to annoy me. seriously have no idea what he is trying to accomplish anyway.

redundancy wise, __ was trying to show off that he actually knows SOMETHING i guess. questions were pretty dumb, esp from somebody with high qualifications. how much does this cost? they are for transmission purposes.so are you going to buy the hardware and broadcast your own hd channel in the poly? what brand is it? you already bought your equipment for the module. what's the point and value in that question? and anyway the digital imaging software is more for the SIDM students how come when you all play it's like so perfect huh? redundancy dude, redundancy. no one expects tv to have a major failure every other day. it's the same as PSTN. it's a matter of adding redundancy to support. you know, hot standby, N+X, load sharing and whatever. do you all sleep here? when they mention hundreds of hours, they mean man-hours. not "i'm physically there for hundreds of hours straight" hours. seriously.

have to commend him on making an effort to tag along my group (we were split into a couple of groups for easier movement). probably he thinks that i'll step on to his tail again and talk about the lack of equipment. on the bright side, we were spared from answering questions like "so what are you guys doing for HDTV in school?". but then again, he hogged the question and answer session. in fact, we had to cut him a couple of times to ask questions. -rolls eyes- oh well. hopefully it'll be one of the last few times i have to endure his nonsense. maybe i'll actually miss him. -snorts-


showed asri the russell clip. its still pretty funny, despite hearing it for the Nth time. he's not a bad comedian. lols

-randoms- miss the peeps at MSP

big brown mosquito in my room. :(
commencing operation smack that mozzie.

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

it's not something you will wanna buy

stratix just crushed my hopes and dreams.

5-figure for the graphics card

:(

of politics and decisions

Commissioning is confirmed to be on the 31st of this month. was asked whether it's a good or bad thing. i replied that being able to step down is a huge sigh of relief. seen too much during my term. I guess that's the price of being in the spotlight. though on second thoughts, i think i will still kaypoh abit and hang around till the end.

stuff's been happening lately.

talked to a teacher fren of mine the other day. he was mentioning that 2 different syllabuses were being run for the same subject, and coz of the difference in workload, his students were complaining. the impression that he gave me was kind of contradicting though. it's like he seemed really resigned about it, and said that its not up to him to say anything, he's just following instructions and running his side of the module though he also didnt seem to be happy about the other syllabus. Then when his students came over to hand in their folios and workbooks, he was the one who initiated this topic. "later you say that my class got alot of work again" i dont know whether it was just a in the moment kind of thing, or if he was trying to prove that his students really think that way.. -shrugs- anyway i havent heard the other side of the story yet, so i shall reserve my opinions until then.

had my last lecture of my poly life (hopefully) yesterday. then it'll be study break for a week followed by a week of back to back examinations and another week of holidays. Then it's another semester of project/attachment and WHEE!
Short term wise i'm still thinking whether to work first or study first and whether to get a scholarship and where to go to study and what company if i'm going to get a scholarship.
kinda want to work in that company coz the culture is pretty cool. but the problem is that they only like grads and getting in is an achievement by itself. Or maybe i should just get a scholarship and clock experience in whatever company first before i change to this one.
oh well i think i shall just drag the decision making though. probably i should concentrate on worldskills first and get myself into the final team that will eventually be going for the national rounds. Maybe then i'll decide whether to choose a company straight away and sign a bond or apply to one after i grad from uni. maybe then i'll know better what i want.

mediacorp field trip tomorrow. the doctorate has been hyping about it and saying stuffs like the deputy director and the course manager will be joining us there. why they would, i have got no idea. oh and he kept telling me not to tell mediacorp that we dont have any lab equipment. why i would, i have got absolutely no idea as well. even if i did i dont they think they will give a damn anyway. think i can count on him to make me even more high profile. had this nagging feeling that he was talking about me to the agilent guy, and asri felt that too. oh well, we shall see tomorrow. i have not done anything wrong and in any case, he's not that important too worry about anyway.

oh btw, conditioner does wonders to your hair.

they are your friends. and when you work with them, you think that they understand your actions and thoughts and the helplessness you feel when you have to do things you can't help but have to do. but the thing is...

they don't. and the most heartwrenching part is when you sacrifice the friendship because of it.

Aero O Aero..

clean installed vista on my laptop. which accounts for my lack of activity online for the past couple of days.
and after 1 full day of headaches trying to get all the drivers and stuff installed properly, i found out that windows aero is not working.
yay.
like seriously what's the point of vista ultimate without Aero Glass? No nice features. no flip 3d, no dreamscene. :(
checked the web and found out that my integrated graphics card is too old to support.

Q3: Is Intel providing WDDM drivers for Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 900 (Intel GMA 900) on Intel 915 Express chipset-based platforms?
A3: Intel will provide support for WDDM drivers beginning with the Intel® 945 Express chipset family and beyond. See question 5 below for a detailed explanation of WDDM support on Intel® 915 Express chipset-based platforms. However, Windows Vista is supported on the Intel® 865G, 915G Express desktop chipsets and 852/855GM mobile chipsets running XPDM (XP Display Driver Model) driver included on the Windows Vista install media. Windows Vista will install on these platforms, but advanced features such as Windows Aero will not be enabled as XPDM drivers do not support Windows AERO.

then yesterday my vista decided to be annoying and gave me a BSOD everytime it shuts down when its on battery.
luckily i met up with davis yesterday and he helped me unchecked the restart automatically checkbox when there's a system failure. (yeah my vista BSODed and refused to shut down after that) It's some interrupt problem, which davis says its most likely due to a problem with the installation of some drivers.
i ended up clean installing vista again this morning till about 4am, and this time, when i inserted the application restore disk that came with my laptop, i unchecked like almost everything besides the sound and video drivers.
Now it's okay, so i'm happy contented despite the lack of aero. trying to download my stuff now, the nice gadgets and redundant software like webshots that davis is nagging at me to uninstall. oh and i have yet to figure out how to set up my bluetooth here too. suspect the bluetooth driver on the application restore cd is crashing vista, so i shall search around for it. (btw, hp site is impossible when it comes to finding drivers )



I like the way it looks, especially on widescreen. pretty sleek huh? though i think everyone would agree that my fugly laptop sticker spoils everything.



Weijie says that there's an external graphics card by nvidia though. Very gien to buy it, though its kind of dumb to buy a usb drvien graphics card that you have to plug in just to see Aero. lol

Election!

Election today.

Congrats to all my 3 candidates :)

I have high hopes for all of you.
Hopefully you all will do a better job than i did.

Today was a serious shock. At exactly 11, there were maybe.... 13 or so students in the LT. like woah. shit. all of us started calling for help there and then. thank goodness that the crowd started to fill after the candidates finished their introductions, albeit 35 mins late


I spent the better half of the hour chatting with Ziyou, Jiayi and Zhang Ran after the election. was kind of reminiscing, while at the same time telling them what they need to know, what they should look out for, what to expect, and to be strong. Seriously, there are so many things that happened over the past year that really really got on my nerves, disappointed me, wore me down. But somehow, all the sad parts seems to be overshadowed by the times where i can really feel the warmth and the support from the committee-the people that i had no choice in choosing whether to work with but gradually got close together and helped and covered for each other over the months. And not to mention my juniors and friends, their words of encouragement and advice.. though they are always making fun of my height (as xy says, i have short legs, or to be precise, i have the longest legs out of the shortest legs. or whatever)
i guess these were the times where everything just seemed to be worth it. These are the people who have helped me defined my term and without which, nothing would have been possible. thanks guys.
chatted with her yesterday. and in our conversation, we were talking about such stuffs. It's not about the time or the money, it's about the emotional factor. How well are you at handling that? Managing time and money seriously pales in comparison. and if the emotional satisfaction you get out of it is worth every single bit, then any amount of sacrifice in terms of time and money is not going to be a defining factor at all and will naturally take care of itself. I guess at the end of the day, that is what really matters most.

hmm shall think about it somemore when i'm on the bus or something.

anyway i think calvyn is seriously drunk. haha

To her:
I guess it's really tiring, having to endure all the nonsense everytime, day in day out.. It's like, give me a break and let me do my stuffs in peace! It's really nto a very good feeling, and i suppose you are thinking at the back of your head as well, who are you to them? just some random girl to bully?
I dunno, and i might be wrong, but i think it's just their (really weird) way of bonding. I guess dealing with difficult people everyday (e.g. DG) & "incidents" or whatever funny word the management likes to call difficult situations is really demoralising, and by fooling and joking around.. that's how they cope with the stress from the nonsensical things that happen each day.. and you know what? From what i see, they are making an effort to include you in that bond.. It's obvious that you are so much closer to them than the other 2.. I dont really see them approaching them to talk and disturb.. I think that despite all their mean jokes and annoying comments, they really treasure you to be in their team, else they wouldn't even give a damn about you. I guess they think that you are able to handle all their (not funny) jokes and yet able to do your job properly, and in a funny way, it is a form of respect. Probably they just dont realise that sometimes they do tend to get a bit overboard ( well they are a bunch of guys who haven't really grown up after all). yeah sure they can be real jerks at times, but for your case, you know they will be there to support you if something happens, and that you can definitely count on them. and of course, without them to bully you , working there will be kinda weird huh? :P take it easy babe. things will get better. :)

new blog

here am i again

back to blogging after a dry spell of a year or so since my last blog closed down.
seems like things do have a tendency to repeat themselves.

what goes around comes around

this first entry to start off everything seems to be kinda dead
i guess it reflects the mood i have been in for the past semester.
things just dont seem to be going right at all, with all the major explosions all over the place.
i'm not supposed to say this as a ______ but kinda wish that everything will be over soon and that i can finally let go of everything and step out. Then again, the world outside is as bad. sigh things just seem to be in a never ending cycle that goes around and around and around and around.


sometimes i just feel trapped.

a puppet more like.
i'm not supposed to do this, i'm not supposed to say that, i cant act this way, i cant react to such stuffs, no you cant do this, you must concentrate on that, you must maintain impartiality, you need to show an example.

more like you are ruining every damn part of my life.

so many things that i cant do. so many things i'm expected to do..
so many things i give up for everything i do.

there's always a price for everything. nothing in the world is free

and the thing is.

i dont know what i want.

i guess that's all there is to it.