boat quay

was at work on friday night. some SCO concert (pre-tour) that was pretty last minute and which they played like crap. like seriously? they killed celestial web. and that was one of my all time favourite pieces. still rmbed the time i first heard it in esplanade with the choir backing. man. talk about inspirational.

after that mic and chris and i went over to boat quay for some coffee. mic wanted to drink but i suddenly rmbed i took my pills and ya, we ended up in TCC (circular rd) instead. did i mention they changed the menu? now everything's like a) more expensive b) they removed some stuff from the menu - and one of them happens to be my all-time favourite drink. grrrrrr. i want my yuan yang!!



sat by the riverside after tcc chased us out at 1230 or so. pic above is the view of fullerton at about 1am in the morning. oh did you know that the lights illuminating fullerton is switched off at 2am? something new i learned.

we helped this poor guy taking surveys about the pathetic non-existent nightlife in sg. he earns like 6 bucks per survey from sg tourism board and apparently not a lot of pple wanted to entertain him. so ya, we did 2 surveys to keep him nice and happy. questions were kind of dumb though. i mean, what's the hype about midnight shopping at orchard?? the so-called sales are not even anywhere near fantastic.

there was a couple sitting beside us as well. happily smooching and in love and whatever. it was quite funny because somewhere a little past 2am he came over to us and said "i lost a bet. can you all give me a number? a fake number or smth?" which totally stunned me and mic. i gave him mine anyway. so he happily went back to his gf and showed it to her. and she called me. hahaha. he was really panicking at that point coz he thought i gave him a totally random number off the top of my head. lols.

exhausted

went to my GP yest coz the stupid ache seemed to be getting worse.
he did some weird positioning with my legs and what not and concluded that it wasn't any spinal problems, slipped disc or smth. just muscles. so ya, at least he set my fears to rest instead of the polyclinic doctor who just prescribed me medicine after i described my problem. -.-

met gary lim yesterday for 45 mins or so at the canteen to chat about stuffs and all that. he stunned me with a question about WSW. lol. well at least i'm not the only person who thinks that WSW is a very complicated person. ya and we were talking about lots of stuffs, politics and all that. guess we are both very disillusioned by the pretty picture half the world attempts to paint about life.

ya and now i'm in the lab waiting for 3 things to happen.
1) practical test to start once lay sze comes in and concludes her long long stories about facts-of-life.
2) my right eye to start developing rashes coz i just gluped down 2 tablets of paracetemol+orphenadrine citrate which is in english, a combination of painkillers and muscle relaxant. no idea why my eye likes to develop rashes though. probably is an allergy but there doesn't seem to be any similar thing that kicks off this effect. the last time this eye swelling thing happened was when i had diarrheoa medicine. and before that it was fever medicine or smth like that. oh whatever.
3) my direction of life to land on me. which isn't happening any time soon though. haiz. so so lost.

feel so exhausted and lethargic lately. dunno what's wrong. blood pressure's fine according to doc yesterday, so i supposed it's a mental state of mind rather than anything else.

backache

i can't sleep facing up.
lower back hurts when i do. >< which is really bad.
today it started hurting when i'm standing up. felt like a pregnant lady walking around with a backache. craps.

went to see a doctor at the polyclinic today.
she said its mostly likely due to strain and gave me paracetemol and a muscle rub for it.
seriously lor i paid 11.50 for somebody to tell me that + medicine.

aspiring doctor tan weiling says she charge cheaper. next time go to her if you got problem ya?
haah


was at SMU yesterday for a microsoft powerpoint talk by joseph's team. talk was pretty cool - could really hear the buzz of mini-conversations everytime something that increases productivity was taught.

went to magic wok for thai food (free of course) and listened to them talk about the upcoming elections and all the blunders some of them made, like pasting one's poster outside the guy's toilet only and not the girl's one. and about tissue papers. hahaha

falling

you know what's the bright side about falling?
it gives your friends a chance to catch you and bring you up again.

thanks pple - my 2 babes, bf who's in army but still called me the other night to catch up, the other msps who have tried to cheer me up and talk to me and have fun and bring beer, stratix, and whoever else i missed out :)

alert!

spent the whole afternoon just trying to get the stupid MPLAB to stop generating errors. like seriously lor. i have yet to even start programming and its giving me errors upon build. after google-ing it, realised there was an error in the default template -.- and there goes my entire saturday afternoon. so not fun.

cute guy alert for these 2 days.
was out having sushi with kaster and weiling yest and there was this guy alone sitting opposite KASTER. and the only reason why (kaster please read this) is coz the waitress made him sit there. otherwise he would have been sitting opposite me or beside me liao. so kaster u dont try and play punk and steal my cute guy. he's MINE! haha.
swimming trip today ended up as a floating trip, coz there were swimming classes going on left right front. and wherever you were, you were in danger of getting hit by ssome random kid who can't keep his arms and legs and pajamas and goggles to himself. so me and my cousin parked at the side of the pool to watch the controlled chaos happening around us. but ya. main point is got HUNK keep swimming PAST US!!! then he was swimming with his head out of the water. which was so good coz we had all the opportunity to look at him ahem, the scenery. hahaha.

i'm supposed to be getting over you. but fact is i'm not. so not.
suddenly realised that i'm not in control of myself anymore. not my feelings, not my thoughts, not my actions. i even let you kiss me. and to think that i used to be able to do that. to shut away all the pain and assert complete control of myself and my feelings and my plans and everything else.
now, i'm just lost. i don't know what to do, and i dont know where to turn to. would this have happened if i haven't met you? or will it have happened anyway? you made everything crash land on me, when things seem to be fine. when i believed that there was something there.
i'm angry. you know that, just by judging the amount of tantrums i have been throwing, the number of outbursts i have flared. and i know its a difficult time for you too, what with the politics and stuff going on among your colleagues, and me giving you a hard time whichever way you turn. but i have every right to be angry, just because you made me choose. and it was a ridiculous choice in the very first place.
maybe its better for both of us. that's what i keep telling myself. no more compromises, no more restrictions. that sounds good. right? but then again, if it's supposed to be, then why do i feel this ache within me all the time?

how do you get over someone when the fact is you never wished to leave him in the very first place? enlighten me, someone, please.

lessons

haven been in the mood to do anything lately. so just some simple plain updates

this week and next week's project is with the year 2s. and mdm tan is telling stories again. haha

results out. my fav lecturer gave me an A.

supposed to do microcontroller project for tham weng seng. not progressing anywhere past programming. haha

trying to document weird stuffs about project in my phone. just to kill time and to get my mind off things.

supposed to look for wu siong wei regarding some matters and entertain J and his requests for a event which is so lasst minute.

there's this really great place to eat steamboat at beach road.



yum. it's supposed to be korean but its run by a chinese lady. it's not bad really, and cheap too. about 16 nett :)

glass half-empty

whoever said life is a bed of roses, is a total moron. seriously.

i'm so glass half-empty.

we're engineers. we are supposed to be logical, analytical, detailed. we classify problems into the same category - power supply line, noise due to interference from RF signals, noise due to component imperfection, floating points- and we apply the same approach to solve these problems. we're results driven and we're reliable and accurate coz one wrong move, point, number or connection may result in a whole system failing, people dying, millions of dollars of losses. whatever.
and we are also social retards. i mean, dealing with systems, components, products, numbers, figures, equations and circuits everyday, it does have its price. we forget how to feel, how to behave, how and when to hold on, how to let go, essentially, the human connection. to us, its all dead components that we put together to serve a purpose, to perfect things that are already perfect. and we forget that we ourselves, we're imperfect. and the world around us, it's imperfect too. and when we finally face this imperfection, we tend to be over-logical, we over-classify, and we analyse too much into things that shouldn't be too closely looked at, like feelings and matters of the heart. then we either choose to force perfection on to it, or we choose to bring up some non-important quality and brush the imperfection off as a compromise to achieve this quality. kinda screwed aren't we?
and coz we know we can't deal with it, we choose to bury ourselves with equations and electronic components and machines. because we know that they can't hurt us the way interpersonal relationships can. because we know that the problems we face here are still solvable by following a step-by-step rule. because we know that we suck at dealing with this type of things. and because we can tell ourselves that we're trying to make the world a better place, when the fact is we're running away.

am i rambling? i think i'm rambling again.


the people you know wont hurt you, are the people you know you wont fall in love with.

Pain.

Pain. we all hate pain, be it in any form- cuts, random aches, blue blacks.. the kind of stuff that we endure everyday. then there's the kind of pain, that blocks out your mind and makes everything recede into nothingness, the kind of pain where there's only you and yourself and how much it hurt.

personally i hate that. or at least, i think i do. it's a level that can only be achieved when you're mentally and emotionally hurt, and that's not a good feeling at all. and somehow, people, okay, specifically me, we bring the pain, invite it even, into our lives, knowing how much it will hurt and hoping that it will heal someday somewhen. why? why let yourself get hurt at all? why do we keep hitting ourselves time and time again?

maybe we all need that pain. i dunno, maybe things wont seem real without pain. maybe it's a form of reality check that life manufactures in bulk. maybe we are wired that way.

or maybe because you know it will feel so damn good when you stop hitting yourself with a hammer.

pain. we all have to go through it. ride it out. push through. open the cut that won't heal and air it and let it do it's work. hope it goes away on its own. it hurts. really really hurts. we all know that. and you can't outrun it coz life always makes more. and the thing about pain- the more you think you are in control of it and the messy emotions, the less you are.

dead drunk last night.

was feeling really emo. then chunsiong and yizhe came over to return my long lost trolley. so yeah. they brought 440ml cans of beer and i got special treatment

this is what chunsiong and yizhe drank. 4.something% of alcohol


THIS is what they got for me. 8.8% of alcohol


and i don't really react well to beer. okay. alcohol in general actually. then my dear 2 guys wanted me to finish and they waited for me to finish. so yeah i did. stupidest move in my life.

obviously i got drunk. did i mention i didn't eat dinner coz i was feeling lousy too? and craps. puked like no one's business. went home and went to sleep just moments before my mom came back. and the only reason why my mom knew i was drinking was coz somebody found my wallet which i dropped somewhere along the way to my place and she came in to wake me up to scold me. and obviously i couldn't be bothered.



i really don't feel good.
supposed to go Microsoft later for a event meeting. and i think there's gonna be post discussion beer. or something to that extent. okay. it's cancelled.but anyway, funny how the guys' answer to problems always seem to be alcohol.

how do you want me to choose? i can't. really.
it's a choice of whether i should just let go-of everything, of all the memories for the past year. or continue pretending that i can't see. it's a choice of the lesser of two evils actually, which sounds relatively simple to choose between. the only problem is, i don't know which one is worse. and i don't know whether i should listen to my head - which i really should-, or my heart - which i really want to-.
you asked me whether i prefer to hear lies. well, maybe i do. coz the truth hurts so so much more. i know it isn't fair to me, i know i shouldn't even continue on in the very first place, i know that at the end of the day, i might be the one losing out. i know i'm trying to mask the pain. i know. i know.
and somehow, i just can't stop thinking of continuing on.
i was so looking forward to everything. things seemed to be going fine, we were having fun and looking forward to my birthday and stuff, and i was enjoying myself despite the nagging voice at the back of my head.

i really don't want it to end like this. i don't want all this to disappear.

you know, making this decision, it's not supposed to be this hard.
and fact: i still don't know what to do.
why do you always have to take my breath away?

Digital Murder

-looks at picture above-

Couldn't resist changing it. -rubs hands in glee-

Haha!

for more cool pics - check out stratix's deviantart in my links beside --->

:(

i'm annoyed and in pain!!!

7 blisters coz of one stupid pair of new shoes.
2 reaaally huge ones that burst and hurt like no one's business
1 blue black on my foot as well which i've got no idea where the hell i got it

tummy hurts coz of some foreign sweet in my hot chocolate drink.
all thanks to some f-ing idiot

and i'm not in SMU for their event as a result.

blardy hell.

too short holidays

here i am in Kou Fu.. waiting for my project briefing at 1pm.

okay now i'm at home. didn't manage to type finish just now. lol

Speaking of project briefing, think the lecturers are smart to put it so late. the general project briefing has this tendency to run late. today's briefing was delayed by half an hour due to technical difficulties -- the LT's speaker system decided not to work. then again, it's a tradition. oh well.



my holidays basically just flew past me without me realising it. sat back yest to think about what the hell i actually did during the past week.


Saturday: Microsoft Meeting
Sunday: stayed home
Monday: stayed home
Tuesday: went out to meet someone, went to the library, and went home to babysit my brother
Wedsnesday: met up with jospeh and cindy at SMU for a meeting, went to microsoft for a while, and then to school to attend SSN's Commissioning.
Thursday: went to school to attend my commissioning's rehearsal, collected blazers, went numbers bar
Friday: attended my commissioning (ORD loh!) went to school chalet and stayed overnight
Saturday: went to work after checking out of the chalet
Sunday: stayed at home and reflected on why the hell my holidays were so crappy.


zzz. so no life lor. i'm like. at school more than 60% of the time.











My commissioning was like over in. 15 mins. good job right? of course, the actual whole thing longer, after all the photos and entertaining of directors/staffs and the like. you know, usual stuff. Sadly no clubs came though. think was too rushed. oh well. anyway, i'll upload the photos once augustine gives me the cd :)

chalet afterwards was sort of fun. kind of quiet -- the other race that we're friendly with went over to ECP for a mutual friend's birthday party. but of course, we had our own fun la! the SSN girls left early, N and C went home early too coz N had a curfew and i dont really see N without C so.. -shrugs- but the rest of us lamed for quite a while though.

This is all of us left at 11 or so! okay, with the exception of zhangran who was sleeping.



then calvyn came by..



he happens to be kaster's next target so she chupped in our picture..



introducing.. my new president!



Kaster was really busy that night with her potential targets..
here's another one.



Social Studies question: What can you infer from the picture below?



Internal Joke: LUST only what!!



and we can't miss out the complicated family. there's the great granddaughter, the grandson who is the mother of the great granddaughter, and the ah-ma.. all in order. haha




heard this interesting conversation today though.
"oh Ms. So and So!! She not good one lor. her tips not accurate one. i got a D for her module."
"oh you all talking about Ms. So and So ar? She's good what. She gave me an A!"
So... am i suppose to conclude that marks places a deciding factor in whether a lecturer is good or not? :S